Eternal Sinners
by Scath Rocco Meoi
Summary: Natsuki's finished university and finds lodgings in a very particular woman's house, but will she be able to handle it? Or will it end in ways she never expected? NatsukiXShizuru Yuri
1. Prologue

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hi, everybody, I'm Scath. If you wanna know more about me visit my profile. I've always wanted to write something for this couple, something that would be a 'hit', so I'm giving my all for this one, I truly want it to be my best fic so far. I'll be updating once **every two weeks** (I'd do it once a week if my life was any easier at the moment, but...), always **on Saturday's** so if you're not registered in the site and want to keep track of the fic, that's how I'm gonna work. Have a nice reading and, please, insert a review so that the next chapter can be released. XD

**Prologue**

When I graduated in 2003, I decided I would depend on my parents no longer, I decided I'd find my own place and make my own money, that was how on a Sunday morning I ended up driving to an address I had taken from an add, according to the woman, Fujino Shizuru, the house had an extra bedroom and even though she wasn't the poorest of people it was getting hard on her to keep it on her own.

The house was located in a good middle class neighborhood and from the outside it looked like a cozy place to live, with many windows, flowers in the garden and a green roof; I knocked twice before an old lady wearing an apron opened.

"May I help you?"

"Yes, are you Ms. Fujino?"

"No, but if you'd like to talk to her I'd first like to know who you are and what you want." I couldn't tell if she was being rude or only cautious, but she did make me feel uncomfortable.

"Pardon me, ma'am. I'm Kuga Natsuki and I came because of the add for lodgers."

"Oh, that! Come in, please, Ms. Fujino's in the living room, the first door to the right."

"Thank you, Mrs. …"

"Marianne Baxter." I made a short reverence to the obviously British lady and walked to the door she'd pointed, I had raised my fist to knock when a calm feminine voice told me to enter.

The living room was smaller than it looked from the outside, there was a sofa and two armchairs by the fireplace, a desk with a computer and a stereo on it, the walls that didn't have windows were covered with bookshelves and over the fireplace a television.

Fujino Shizuru was a 26 years old blonde with wine colored eyes; she was lying on the sofa still on pajamas holding a cup of tea.

"Make yourself at home, Kuga-san." I nodded feeling a little uncomfortable and settled myself in one of the armchairs.

"If it wasn't for your name, Ms. Fujino, I would have never believed you are Japanese too." my comment made her chuckle lightly as she pointed towards the tea. "No, thanks. I've just had my breakfast."

"You live near here I suppose." with delicate white fingers she reached the teapot and filled her cup.

"About thirty minutes. I'm still staying in the university campus but I have to leave until next week."

"And that's why you're here." she finished for me and smiled. "Congratulations on your graduation!"

"Thank you."

"What did you study?" Shizuru shifted on her seat as if to hear me better.

"Chemistry."

"Really? Sounds pretty interesting." I blushed when I realized she was being honest, most of the people told me the same thing but it was obvious they were saying that only because they didn't know what to say or how to react. "Perhaps you can teach me something when you move in."

"Huh… Oh, definitely!" my distraction only made her chuckle again. "Should we start discussing about the conditions, then?"

"I just need you to pay half of Mary's salary and whatever else you spend."

"No rent?" I was stunned.

"Rent? Oh, no, not really." she poured herself another cup of tea.

"Ms. Fujino, I'm sorry but I must say that this is a pretty awkward arrangement."

"Kuga-san," she started barely controlling her laughter. "I don't see the issue… I think it's pretty fair, you'll pay only what you spend."

"That's not what troubles me, what I wonder is—"

"Why I don't want you to pay rent? Keep your money, Kuga-san, do you think I need it that badly?" she gestured to the things around her and I realized that she was right, but still… How different and unique was that woman. "Are we settled, then?"

"Well, I guess this is too good of a chance for me to refuse." I watched as Shizuru's smile widened.

"Do you wanna see the rest of the house now?" she got up with one swift movement and gestured me to follow her even before I had the time to answer.

The door across the living room led us into the dining room which was connected to the kitchen, both rooms were extremely clean and their white walls made even the heaviest of hearts feel light. In the kitchen we also found Marianne, Mary as Shizuru called her, cooking something for lunch which smelled unbelievably good.

"Spaghetti." the old woman said answering my question.

"Do wanna join me for lunch?" the blonde asked as I admired the golden color of the pasta.

"I'm not sure it would be appropriate… I mean, we've only just met." I struggled with the words but I just couldn't admit so readily that I wanted to stay; I was no excited child even when nothing but a salad expected me at home.

"You're moving in here, we're gonna live together. Don't you think it's a good opportunity for us to get to know each other?"

"Yes, you're right. I'll stay." her smile widened as it had when I accepted to move in.

"Can I serve now?" Mary asked always serious.

"After we finish our tour, okay?" before I had even noticed we were going up the stairs to our bedrooms, Shizuru's arm linked on mine. "I'm sorry, it's just that Mary's so moody… When things don't work her way she starts complaining about her whole life and then it goes for hours."

"It's alright, only… Huh… Ms. Fujino, your, your arm…" I tried hard not to be rude but it just didn't make me comfortable to have her so close all of a sudden, I barely knew her.

"Oh! Sorry, I forgot myself." she let go of me and smiled apologetically.

My future bedroom was big and light colored, with a desk, a closet and a bookshelf besides the large bed, it felt cold, empty as it was, but I could imagine how it would look with all my stuff in it and I knew it was perfect.

A small bathroom separated Shizuru's bedroom from mine but they were also connected by the corridor, our rooms had exactly the same furniture the only difference being the flowered wallpaper which gave her bedroom a cheerful feeling of nature and country life that fit her incredibly well.

When our tour ended we found the lunch served and I was delighted to discover that it tasted as good as it looked. Shizuru poured us a very good French wine as we talked about all kinds of trivialities.

"I forgot to ask you, Ms. Fujino, what do you do for living?" I asked as I drove another forkful of pasta into my mouth.

"Me? I'm a lawyer."

"A lawyer?!" I practically choked, the last thing that that smiling lady looked like was a lawyer or maybe my knowledge of lawyers was too limited.

"Surprised?" She smiled behind her glass. "I know I don't sound like one but that's because you're not a client."

"I should have known." we laughed together, at nothing in particular, it was probably the alcohol acting on our systems. "I have to go back now and start packing or I won't be able to move in tomorrow."

"Of course!" she stood up as did I and extended her hand to me over the table. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Natsuki-chan. I can call you that, right?"

"I guess." I chuckled and grabbed her hand. "It was a pleasure meeting you too, Shizuru." she smiled brightly holding my hand for a moment longer than needed.

"Mary, can you escort Natsuki to the door? I should get started on my paperwork."

As I drove back to the campus I felt not like I was going home but like I was leaving home and that made me happy. I had found the right place.


	2. The First Day

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Good morning! (At least right now, right here it's morning XD). Updating on schedule as I so love to do! So this is chapter 1 (the other one was the prologue if you didn't notice) and I'm having a little bit of a hard time with this fic because in my real life I've never worn Natsuki's shoes only Shizuru's which are the more painful ones... To love and not be loved... I'm trying to imagine therefore how they other way around would be. Tell me if I miss something, then. Have a nice reading and, please, review.

**_Chapter I: The First Day_**

With a little bit of organization I was able to move to my new home in the afternoon of the following day, Shizuru had been engrossed with work and so I didn't have a chance of speaking to her but she had already warned Mary of my arrival and so the old lady was my quiet company while I unpacked.

"I couldn't help but notice that you're from England, Mrs. Baxter. Why did you come to America?" it was the third time in a quarter of an hour that I tried to start a conversation but Mary seemed to favor the silence between us, I liked silence myself but after an hour of wordless company it started getting to my nerves.

"Because my father wanted to be buried in his ancestors land."

"Oh, I see… I'm sorry about your father." I turned back to the books I was taking out of the paper box, seemed like I had lost another chance but this time I didn't feel like trying again, surprisingly, after a few minutes, _she_ broke the silence.

"Why would such a decent girl as you move in with Ms. Fujino?" my surprise at her compliment did not even show for what caught my attention was that she thought Shizuru to be indecent.

"Well, why not? She seems like a very intelligent and _decent _woman."

"I didn't mean it that way; she's just very… awkward sometimes, her habits and personal life."

"Personal life? Don't you think you're being a little impertinent intruding upon her personal life?" her comment had caught my curiosity, that's true, but she had said I was a decent person and so I'd prove her.

"I'm not intruding, Ms. Kuga." Mary got up as serious as always and got ready to leave. "People talk and it surprises me that you haven't heard anything, that's all." she bowed lightly and left.

It might have been a surprise to her but it wasn't to me, I had never been a people's person and my Japanese education had taught me not to judge a book by other people's opinions of it but to read it myself and then judge it upon my own.

The next day I woke up early intending to go get myself a job, I found Shizuru finishing her breakfast which seemed to have been a lot more like an English breakfast than an American one, another proof of our governess' origins I thought.

"Ohayou, Natsuki-chan." she smiled brightly when her wine colored eyes met my green ones.

"Ohayou, Shizuru." I pulled a chair across from her.

"Leaving already?"

"A friend of mine scheduled me an interview at a nearby lab." I watched Mary pour her more tea before turning to me.

"What will you have?"

"What did _you _have?" my question brought Shizuru's eyes back to mine.

"Double 'T'." she smiled mischievously and I turned to the older woman for explanations.

"Toasts and tea." Mary said severely.

"It's Mary's best." Shizuru's smile widened.

"I'll have to try it then." I let her smile infect me, the old woman shook her head hopelessly before leaving us but I didn't give the gesture much thought at the time.

"So, how was your first night here?"

"Like every first time, good enough." she chuckled.

"You're a person who likes experiencing?" had I paid more attention to her tone I would have noticed an unusual interest behind her words but I did not and so I smiled at the awkwardness of the question.

"Yes, I guess you could say so. I like motorbikes a lot."

"Natsuki piloting a motorbike? That's difficult to imagine." it was then that Mary came in and served me my breakfast.

"This friend I told you about keeps my motorbike at his place; he fixes it for me if I need too."

"You can keep it here if you want."

"Thank you, Shizuru. I definitely will and then I can take you for a ride."

"That'd be wonderful!" the sincerity in her voice made me blush, she smiled but I ignored it concentrating on my meal instead, after all I had to leave within a few minutes.

My interview was faster than I thought it would be and I even had time to get my motorbike before I went home for lunch, Shizuru had once again been stuck in her work, she was not even home and so I had lunch with Mary and the silence that seemed to accompany me whenever we were together, after that I was trapped between a novel my mother had gotten me for my birthday and as old movie on TV until my new acquaintance arrived.

"Too bored without me?" she asked when she spotted me lying on the sofa, the remote control almost falling from my hand as, for the fourth time; I shifted through the dozens of channels without finding anything of interest.

"Bored to death." I admitted. "How in a hundred channels there's not even one which interests me?"

"Maybe the channels are the one who are not interested in you." Shizuru sat elegantly in one of the armchairs and crossed her legs. "What were you reading?" she pointed to the book forgotten on my lap.

"I have no idea." laughing I threw my head backwards against the armrest, she joined me a second later and it took us a good time to control ourselves.

"I saw you brought your motorbike."

"Yeah, my interview finished earlier than expected so I went to my friend's and took it."

"It's beautiful." for a moment I wondered if she might be talking about me because she sounded like it, but that would've been too weird.

"What about a ride this weekend? Is there someplace you want to go?"

"There's a client I have to visit but if you don't mind coming with me…"

"I'd love to see you in your working mode." I played and she smiled but it didn't last long for suddenly her face took on a painful expression.

"Oh, Natsuki, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot to ask you about your interview. How did it turn out?" she sounded so worried that for a moment I felt like what she wanted to know was the result of my cancer exams and not my job interview, I smiled comfortingly.

"They'll call next week after they've analyzed all the candidates."

"Of course, what a silly girl I am at times, to worry so much about such things." she shook her head smiling absentmindedly.

"I did my best so, even if it doesn't work…"

"You're definitely gonna get the job. Natsuki's the best." Shizuru blinked at me and once again I felt myself blushing and I saw a smile playing at her lips. "Now let's see if I find something for us to watch."

"Please, do so." I gave her the remote control and within a minute she had us watching a documentary about ancient Greece about which she seemed to know a lot about herself. Hearing her talk made the subject much more interesting I noticed and even I remembered something from my history classes, most about how Greeks had developed science while Shizuru, naturally, talked about Greek laws.

One thing is for sure, when I went to the bed last night I had finally understood just how meaningful the Greek's society had been to our own.


	3. Motorbike Riding

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hey, everybody! So, I think the title of this chapter says it all... I just wanted to let you know that unfortunately next chapter is gonna be a little delayed pecause of the holiday. I hope you can wait though and that you won't be mad at me for it. O.O Have a nice reading and, as always, review!

**_Chapter II: Motorbike Riding_**

During the rest of my first week living with Shizuru I saw her only once, the night of my second day when we had dinner together and she told me she would be traveling the following morning.

"Traveling? You seemed so busy with your work." I commented as I cut my meat, Mary had served us pork chops and even though I wasn't very fond of meat I decided to try it.

"I'm traveling with my client, but I'll be back Friday night so don't cancel our ride, okay?" she gave me that smile I was getting so used to, it was a smile which shone in her eyes as well.

"Okay." there was silence as we chewed, Shizuru looked worried about something but when our eyes met she always smiled. "Why do you need to travel all of a sudden? From what you told me the other day things were working out fine."

"Things _were _working out fine, but my work is boring, let's not talk about it." her smile never wavered, it was admirable how she could separate her work life from her personal life even when there was trouble in one of them.

"Come on, Shizuru. Maybe I can help you; I've got nothing better to do at the moment anyways." I saw her eyes lit up at my offer but as quickly as it started it was over and her face took a sad expression.

"It is a very complicated situation but thank you, Natsuki." and she smiled again before changing the subject completely, I was able to notice though that this time her eyes continue serious differently from the other times.

The rest of the week I spent studying, to keep the knowledge fresh in my mind in case I got the job, watching documentaries and reading some of Shizuru's law books, the talk we had had the other day starting an interest for the subject within me.

Mary was always around, asking me if I needed anything, but I started sending her home earlier and taking care of myself like I had planned to do since the day of my graduation, the biggest challenge of all that was cooking my own dinner but in the end it turned out to be a lot more fun than I expected, so when Shizuru got home Friday night she was doomed to try my dinner.

"I certainly didn't imagine you cooking, Natsuki-chan." she commented as I took my seat across from her.

"Neither did I, but I'm not always gonna have someone to cook for me so, I thought, it's essential that I know how to cook something."

"That's true." she smiled and I wondered if she knew how to cook anything herself, being from a wealthy family and having such a good number of clients, the presence of Mary was enough to make me doubt it.

"So? Is it eatable?"

"Oh, definitely." I heard her chuckle. "Do you want me to get us some wine?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"Be right back." she smiled again before standing, her happiness was extremely contagious and I did not have to ask her to know that things at her trip had turned out for the best. "This wine isn't the best but it was already open…"

"It's okay." I reassured her as she poured the wine in our glasses. "I'm not much of a drinker."

"Neither am I but I like to have a glass with dinner once in a while, and let's not forget today's an especial occasion, Natsuki cooked this."

"Well, I…" my face was burning and I simply didn't know what to say to that so I stuffed my mouth with food.

"Poor Mary must think you're crazy to want to cook yourself when you could have her do it."

"She did look at me with a funny expression." we laughed together.

"Don't start acting too crazily or you'll cost me my governess."

"I'll remember that." silence took over then and I wanted to ask her about how her problem had been solved but I didn't have the courage, this was her free time and I didn't want to bother her with questions about work, the next morning though as we got ready for our ride I brought up the subject.

"It seems your trip wasn't in vain."

"No, not at all. We were able to convince her ex-husband not to sue her and that's more than even I had expected." Shizuru put on her helmet and turned to me. "So, do I look like an astronaut?"

"You look like you're wearing a helmet." I chuckled at her question and put on my own helmet before sitting on my bike. "Get on or we'll be late."

"I think I changed my mind." her eyes were running through the bike of so I tried to believe for I felt those wine colored orbs burning my skin.

"What? Don't be afraid."

"I'm not, it's just that… There's nothing to hold on to." if I had been aware of that woman's particularities at the time I would have realized that all she wanted was my permission to hold on to me but I wasn't.

"Nothing to hold on to? Like a steering wheel?"

"We're not talking about cars, Natsuki-chan. If I don't hold on to something I'll fall!"

"Oh! That's what you were talking about! Sorry, it's just that no one ever made me that question…" she blushed and I felt strangely victorious at that, so far I had been the only one to blush. "You can hold on to me of course."

"You sure?"

"Shizuru," I tried to control my laughter. "why are you so hesitant? There is nothing to worry about."

"You must be right." she took a deep breath and sat behind me, slowly and carefully placing her arms around me.

"Ready?" I asked and heard her sigh, relaxing her hold on me a little.

"Now I am."

Our journey was uneventful, the wind felt wonderful against my face, it was a beautiful day, there was no traffic and I drove carefully never able to completely ignore those two arms encircling my waist.

The place where we were headed turned out to be a small cottage about forty minutes from our house, Shizuru hadn't commented anything about the client or the case but I hadn't asked either, apparently it was a man for there was one at the door and he seemed to be waiting for us.

"Ms. Fujino?" he approached us as we took of our helmets.

"Mr. Osgood." Shizuru extended her hand which the man shook nervously. "This is my friend Ms. Kuga. I hope you don't mind her being here."

"Unless she's a spy for my ex-wife, no, I don't mind." I nodded at him, the poor man seemed incredibly tired and worried and nervous and he wasn't much older than the two of us. "Please, come in. The house is still a little messy for it's been only a month that I moved here."

There were a few boxes in one of the living room's corners but that was all of the mess, we sat on the sofa and Mr. Osgood, Andrew was his first name, pulled a chair and sat across from us after offering a cup of coffee, which we politely declined.

Shizuru moved confidently and she was incredibly serious as she opened the folder she had brought within herself and took out a notebook and a pen, crossing her legs so that she could use them as a table, to me she looked like the incarnation of the independent woman and nothing like the person I knew.

"So, Mr. Osgood, please, tell us your story and be sincere or I'm afraid I won't be able to give you everything I have…"

He looked at his hands for a few seconds and I'm sure he was asking himself if being a hundred percent sincere would really be worth it, suddenly he seemed to have made his mind, he lifted his eyes to ours and started.


	4. Shizuru's Specialty

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hey, people! I'm back and I bring good news! From now on I'll be updating once a week instead of every two weeks, the reason is that I'm traveling again in July and I felt bad for you so I wanted to compensate. Here's chapter three and we're going to meet Shizuru's client Mr. Osgood as Natsuki starts to have suspitions about her friend's sexuality. Please, leave a review!

**_Chapter III: Shizuru's Specialty_**

"I met Sally six years ago, my friends introduced her to me one night when we were at our usual bar and we fell in love a short time after, we got married the next year and soon came the twins Molly and Sarah. Everything seemed to be working out fine until I was fired, Sally was desperate because we had two babies to take care of and she blamed me, my incompetence, for our situation, that was when I bumped into a friend from high school, someone I hadn't seen for a long time and who had recently divorced."

"This friend," Shizuru reluctantly interrupted. "this person is whom you're with at the moment?"

"Yes." she motioned for the client to continue. "We started going out and we fell in love with each other, I didn't like to be cheating on my wife though so I talked to her and we divorced, she looked okay with it all until recently when she claimed I was an inappropriate father and that she wouldn't let me see the girls anymore."

"And do you have any idea what made her change her mind?" she shifted a little as he looked around thoughtfully.

"It's so obvious!" he exclaimed suddenly. "It was after I told her he was moving in with me!" I wondered if he had really said 'he' or if I had misheard him…

"Makes sense." she shifted again taking an even more serious attitude. "So you want me to fight for your daughters' custody."

"Exactly. Jim told me you were specialized in cases like mine but still it's a bit humiliating…" he smiled shamefully.

"Don't worry, Mr. Osgood. I can understand perfectly well." Shizuru smiled gently, it was the first time she smiled since we had gotten to the cottage. "You can trust me to take care of everything."

We got up and said our goodbyes, Andrew wanted to accompany us to the door but Shizuru insisted that we could find the way by ourselves and that he needed to rest. When we were out in the garden again, she didn't utter a word instead she walked straight to the motorbike and put on the helmet, I wanted to ask her so many questions but she probably needed sometime to think so I just mirrored her movements and sat on the motorbike.

Shizuru took her seat behind me and held on to my waist as we pulled away from the cottage back into the road, she continued silent all the way home which I wouldn't have bore weren't it for the fact that I was driving, in other words, doing something to distract myself. Mary received us with tea and soon lunch followed.

"Do you want more rice?" she asked as she filled her plate for the second time, it scared me how she could be so slim eating so much.

"No, thanks." I watched her as she chewed, she seemed to be in a more talkative mood and I decided to risk. "Huh, Shizuru… May I ask you a question?"

"Of course!" she lifted her gaze to me for a brief second just to show she was listening. "Go on."

"This person Mr. Osgood mentioned… It's a woman, right?" she chuckled.

"Actually, Natsuki-chan," she looked at me for real this time. "the cases I said I'm specialized on are cases involving homosexuals." her voice sounded so casual, I was sure that was why people talked about her, even Mary.

"Oh, is that so? I guess if it's working for you… I don't have anything against it; I just think you could have commented that before." I struggled with the words, I had never stopped to talk about such subject, why should I after all? But one thing was for sure, it was extremely embarrassing talking about it.

"Sorry, Natsuki-chan. I just didn't think about it, it's become so natural to me." she turned back to her meal but even as embarrassed as I was I just couldn't let it end there.

"But why homosexuals exclusively?"

"They are who need our help most in these legal matters, they're not allowed to get married in most of the world and in some places they're not allowed to adopt children either. Do you think that's fair?"

"Well… I had never seen things that way. You're more than right to help them. They're human too after all." Shizuru only smiled at my thoughtfulness before turning back to her meal once again.

Even though I was starting to get so interested at my new friend's work I didn't talk with her about it at all the two following weeks because, after I got the phone call saying that I had gotten the job, I was too busy and entertained with my own life to care about anything else.

One very good thing that happened during those days was that a former classmate of mine got a job at the same place as I and we ended up discovering a lot of things in common, like the passion for kendo. Takeda Masashi and I suddenly were very good friends.

"So, Natsuki, I heard you moved in with Fujino." he commented one day while we were at break.

"Yeah, she lives in a big house so she rented me a room; she also has a governess so it's almost as if I had never left the college dormitories."

"I can imagine… But don't you know what people say about her and her job? Aren't you afraid they'll start talking about you too?"

"I have no idea what they talk about her but I can assure you I've got nothing to do with it." what I didn't tell him was that even though I had never heard anything I had my suspicions.

"Well, people say she's not… a normal woman."

"She looks pretty normal to me." I pretended not to know about what he was talking, I wanted him to tell me more about those rumors so that I could prove them wrong and, also, because I had been long curious about them.

"No, not physically. Psychologically." he was whispering by then.

"You mean… She's crazy." I continued playing ignorant.

"No, it's still not exactly… that."

"So what is it?" by then I was pretty sure I knew what he was going to say but I still needed to hear it.

"People say she's a lesbian."

"Oh, I doubt that very much, Masashi. They're just saying that because of her job."

"Maybe. I'm not the one creating the rumors."

I went home feeling better that day, I finally knew what people gossiped about Shizuru and I assured myself it was all due to her job, even so I had doubts growing within me… What if Shizuru _was _a lesbian? That wouldn't explain her reluctance in touching me the day we went to Mr. Osgood's place or perhaps that would be the very reason why.

The object of my thoughts wasn't home when I arrived and I was thankful because my mind was so flooded with questions, some stupid, others obvious, but most of them personal and if she had been there I might not have been able to hold back and I might have ruined our friendship.

Lying in my bed while waiting for dinner I realized just how childish I was being, an adult person doesn't allow her curiosity to influence her actions, that was Shizuru's life and so I decided to forget about it or rather ignore it until I had naturally forgotten.


	5. About Insomnia and Boredom

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Good morning, dear readers! Hope you had a nice week 'cause mine... Well, had a few unpleasant surprises. XD Here's chapter 4 and Shizuru's teasing or is it Natsuki's imagination? Please, leave a review and let me know what you think! ;)

**_Chapter IV: About Insomnia and Boredom_**

It was Sunday morning and I was awaken by a feathery touch on my shoulder, for a second I thought I was back home and my mother was waking me for another long morning at the local church where we used to go on Sundays but instead my eyes met Shizuru's wine colored ones and I stiffened under the touch, what made her pull away with an apology.

"Shizuru…" I convinced my still numb body to move into a sitting position. "You're back early… How did it go?"

"Not very well…" she had been so optimistic when she left to Mr. Osgood's ex-wife's house the other morning and now, she looked defeated sitting on the edge of my bed with her head low and a lost gaze, but that image lasted only a second, when she turned back to me her smile was already back in its place. "But I just wanted to let you know I'm back." she motioned to get up but I grabbed her wrist.

"Wait." she turned to me obviously surprised. "Tell me about it."

"I…" for a second I thought she was going to cry, her eyes welled with tears but she blinked them away and smiled. "Thank you." her voice was merely a whisper then and if I had known just how much she meant those words maybe I wouldn't have smiled, maybe I would have cried for her, for how lost and lonely she was. "She's got very good arguments, Mrs. Osgood…"

"What did she say?"

"She claims that he's perverted and selfish, that if he chose Jim over his family once he can easily do it again."

"I still don't get it…. She's doing all this for jealousy?"

"Jealousy of his happiness I should say and also the fear that once her children start having contact with Jim, they may like him."

"Pretty unreasonable if I may say." she smiled at my comment.

"Well, we're humans and humans can easily be controlled by their emotions if they can't control them."

"I guess so." she got up and walked to the door but turned around.

"Are you going back to sleep? I'd be happy if you joined me for breakfast."

"I guess, since I'm already awake…" I got out of the bed and grabbed my dark blue robe wrapping it firmly around me.

We went down the stairs to the dinning room in silence, pleased enough only with the other's company, the table was already set and the coffee smelled wonderful, Mary gave as curt nod when we entered.

"My tea isn't ready yet, Mary?"

"No, not yet, Ms. Fujino." the old woman answered before leaving us.

"Try having some coffee, Shizuru." I smiled behind my cup.

"Mother nature has already favored me with an annoying insomnia, if I start drinking coffee it will develop into a real problem." she chuckled a little before biting her toast.

"But tea has caffeine too." as a chemist I could state that surely.

"I won't argue with you, Natsuki-chan." the door to the kitchen opened and Mary came carrying the teapot, Shizuru poured herself a cup and took a sip. "I just can't live without my tea."

"Honestly…" I chuckled. "By the way, Shizuru, if you take any medication for your insomnia I'm sure it's cheaper in the lab where I work."

"Don't worry; it's not so big a problem. It just takes me a little longer than usual to fall asleep, that's all." but I knew it wasn't for I had heard her pacing late at night and not only once, I didn't say anything though and resumed eating. "So, what did you do these last few days, Natsuki-chan?"

"Me? Oh, nothing unusual… I go to work and I come back." she chuckled lightly before wiping her mouth.

"You're bored then? 'Cause I think I've got the right thing to help you, if you'd only accompany me this afternoon."

"Another case of yours?" I asked smiling but she didn't answer just smiling mischievously in return, she left the table a few moments later and locked herself in her bedroom as I changed my clothes, grabbed the news paper and cuddled up in one of the armchairs, I couldn't give the news any attention though for our plans for the afternoon were, at the moment, a much more interesting mystery.

By lunch time Shizuru wasn't up yet and I had to enjoy my meal alone under Mary's scrutiny, every time I looked up her eyes met mine accusingly, I felt like sending her away but I didn't want to be rude and neither to have her hate me, so I decided, after five annoying minutes, to try and start a conversation.

"Mary, I've been wondering…" she lifted two inquiring eyebrows and I gave her a nervous smile before continuing. "Are you married?"

"I was." her answer was short and she obviously meant it to be the end of our strange conversation but I had decided that, if she wasn't leaving, she wasn't going to be quiet either.

"Any children?"

"One."

"Boy or girl?"

"Girl."

"Lives near here?"

"In England."

"How old?"

"Thirty. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot to do in the kitchen."

When the door closed behind her I had a fit of laughter and I was still laughing when Shizuru walked in wearing her pajamas, proof that she'd been recovering her sleep, she smiled sweetly and took her seat in front of me.

"I'm sorry you had to have lunch on your own." she played a little with her napkin. "It seems you're having enough fun though."

"On my own? Hardly." I laid back on my chair as I finished eating. "Why is Mary so unfriendly?"

"You should ask her that, it's a very good question."

"Come on, Shizuru. I want to know _your opinion_." she chuckled, of course she knew what I wanted to know.

"To be honest with you, I know close to nothing about her." she smiled at my skeptic face. "You probably know more about her than I ever will after all the talking you've been having in my absence."

"You sound as if we talked a lot… We barely say more to each other than the casual greetings."

"Me too, so…" she jumped up, I couldn't help but notice that she had eaten very little. "Ready to go?"

"That depends on where we're going…" it was the only way I found to ask her where we were going without really 'asking'.

"Smart, Natsuki." she leaned close to me with a tricky smile and whispered. "You'll know when we get there." her voice rang through my ears and her breath against my neck made me shiver but she was completely unaware as she left the dinning room. "Wait for me at the car."

For five long minutes I didn't move, something inside me was saying that Shizuru was obviously a lesbian but I insisted that it had been me who over reacted, she hadn't been that close after all and she had neither kissed me nor touched me inappropriately so how could I assume such a thing about her? Just because of her work? That was just wrong of me.

I got up and with a long sigh, and a weird look from Mary who had come back to pick up the dishes, I went to the garage where Shizuru was already waiting, as fast as she was to get ready, with that genuine smile playing at her rose colored lips.


	6. A Relieving Surprise

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hey, guys/girls! As you already know I'll probably be unable to update for the next two or three weeks because I'll be traveling, but I know you'll forgive me because I'll also use my free time to write as much as I can and maybe finish this fic. Then comes the typing part which I hate but... XD Enjoy the chapter and send me a review with your opinions!

**_Chapter V: A Relieving Surprise_**

As the car moved through the streets I wondered once again where she was taking me, I felt strangely anxious, even nervous as if I feared, after that weird event in the kitchen, that Shizuru might have not so innocent intentions with me, once more I tried to push the thoughts away, telling myself I shouldn't let prejudice influence my judgment of her.

"Can you tell me now? Where we're going?"

"Let me torture you just a little longer, will you?" she winked at me and I had to push away the thoughts again, I sighed, what had become of my self control? She had just winked at me, winked, that was like shaking hands, a friendly gesture and nothing more.

"I must be going crazy…" I whispered to myself turning back to the window, the passing scenery was hypnotizing even and I fell into a sort of a trance of half sleep half wake in which all there was was a colorful blur and the soft music of the radio, hours could have passed before Shizuru spoke but I wouldn't have noticed.

"Here we are!" she exclaimed as she turned off the car, I straightened in my sit and narrowed my eyes, we had parked in front of a big white building with a sign I read out loud.

"National Museum of Greek Culture?"

"Yeah, you seemed so excited when we talked about Greek culture that I thought you'd like to come here with me." we got out of the car and she locked it. "So, did you like it?"

"Of course!" I just didn't add that I was extremely relieved she hadn't taken me to a theme park or some romantic sort of place and, right now, years after it, I'm also glad because it was her choice of place what erased all suspicions from my mind. "But allow me to pay for our tickets."

"Oh, no, Natsuki, you're saving money to buy your own place and I'd like this day to be a present to you." Shizuru was smiling a serious smile then. "You're my only friend."

I seriously thought it must be hard for her to admit such a thing but she told me, months later, that she had long accepted she'd have a lonely life and to have me, one friend, was to her something big.

"Okay, then." not knowing what to say I fastened my pace towards the entry, leaving her to buy our tickets, I wondered whether I should have said something and if I should whether there was still time to say it. But what could I have said?

"Here." she pushed the ticket into my hand. "It's been a long time since I've last been to this museum; it's always been my favorite of the kind."

"You've been to many others?" I asked as we gave our tickets to a smiling red haired teenager and took our first steps inside the building.

"Three or four, anywhere I go that has a Greek culture museum I have to find a time to visit it."

"Your eagerness for knowledge is inspiring, Shizuru. You've certainly found a fan in me."

"I have too many 'fans' already…"

"Really? How come I've never met any?"

"If they weren't fans of my money more than of my person you'd certainly have met at least one."

"Well, it seems, after all, being rich _has _its disadvantages…"

"It's annoying." she chuckled. "Most of times."

"I don't doubt that but still, who wouldn't like to be rich?"

"I'm sure I don't know, Natsuki." but she knew because she was one of them, she'd give all her money if she could only have love, just a little bit… At the time, though I didn't give it much thought as we stopped our tour to admire a sculpture of the goddess, Hera, wife of Zeus.

"So, what are you going to do? About the Osgoods, I mean."

"I have hopes of winning, but it'll be necessary to expose my client even more and that's awful for people like… them." I thought for a second that she was going to say 'us' but I chose to ignore it.

"I can imagine, after all, even though things seem to be improving the prejudice's as strong as ever." we started walking again, our tour was almost over.

"I'm sure Mr. Osgood has thought it over, that's probably why he's moved to such an isolated place, so that his children wouldn't be exposed to the prejudice he's sure to suffer."

"You're gonna use that as an argument? Because it's the proof, despite what his ex-wife claims, that he cares about his children."

"You'd do a very good lawyer." Shizuru smiled brightly as we walked back to the car. "Interested in working for the law?"

"I'm sorry, but no, and I honestly think you work more for the interests of people than the ones of the law." I opened the door and entered followed by her as she chuckled.

"You can be so serious at times, Natsuki-chan." she looked like she was going to add something else but gave up and turned on the car. "And now? What about a snack? Or are you tired of my company?" that question sounded like a test or maybe it was only her insecurity speaking, either way I answered truthfully.

"How could I ever be tired of your company?" her eyes were suddenly shining and I found it necessary to change the subject. "Where do you wanna go?"

"Surprise?"

"Enough torturing me, Shizuru."

After a sandwich in a local diner we headed back home to the comfort of our living room where we sat for hours discussing books about all sorts of subjects, I even found out that my friend's knowledge of chemistry wasn't half as bad as she thought, in fact, she even remembered things from high school's chemistry classes that I myself had long forgotten.

"It's because each of us finds something different important, I've always paid attention to the small details." she explained.

"Well, then, I guess I've always been the opposite, details are something I never pay much attention to."

"Nonsense." she waved her hand at me. "I'm sure you, as a chemist, have to know a lot of details about the 'reactions' you're concocting."

"Concocting?" I chuckled. "Where did that come from?"

"Mary, I suppose." she shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess I do pay attention to some kinds of details." and the longer I thought about it the more certain I became that she was right, because if it hadn't been for my paying attention to details I'd never have noticed a lot of things about Shizuru that she'd never have told me herself.

"It's already this late? I'll tell Mary to serve the dinner." she lazily stood up and, smiling sleepily at me, left the living room.

I realized then how lonely it felt without her, I, who had always been a lone-wolf, suddenly felt lonely, that was unexpected and I wondered if it wasn't a bad thing, to depend on others like that. Would I ever be alone again without feeling lonely? Now, as I write this, I can say that… No, I'd never be alone without feeling lonely ever again but, at the time I held on to my hopes of the answer being 'yes'.


	7. Doubt

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **I'm back from my trip, people! Back to my routine and that includes my fanfiction routine. I wrote more during this vacations than I had in months and that's the only good thing that happened at all, but what's written unfortunatelly doesn't type itself so... I'll continue updating once a week, hope you'll enjoy and leave me some inspiring reviews! ;)

**_Chapter VI: Doubt_**

After our little trip to the museum both, Shizuru and I, we engrossed with our jobs, I didn't see much of her that week and the only thing I heard, from Mary, was that the Osgood trial was going to be on Friday and that my friend was dedicating all her strengths to it, I prayed, to anyone who'd hear me, that she succeeded.

I've always been a person of science but also believed in the existence of something beyond our knowledge, whatever it may be. My faith must not have been enough though for Friday after dinner, as I read a long and boring book my boss had suggested me, a pale, defeated looking Shizuru entered the living room and collapsed on the nearest chair.

She didn't seem to have seen me and as much as I wanted to say something I kept it to myself and waited, hiding behind my book as I watched her closely. Her wine colored eyes were serious as she started studying her hands; she frowned and let her hands fall on her lap as her face settled for a hopeless expression.

"I…" she started suddenly, still not looking at me. "I ruined it."

"Oh, come on, Shizuru… You can still appeal, can't you?" I laid the book aside.

"It won't help matters in the least… The judge who got our case, despite being just, is one of the most homophobic persons I have ever known." she got up and walked past my armchair stopping by the book shelf as if she were studying the volumes' titles.

"Then it's not your fault." I said twisting my neck so that I could see her; she turned around, her eyes seeing beyond the walls of the living room.

"I've been distracted too…"

"Of course, you've been distracted! You've barely slept this week; I can hear you pacing at night. I told you I could get the drugs…"

"You don't understand a thing, do you?" her eyes were fixed on mine as she snarled that.

"Sh-Shizuru…" I managed, as surprised as I was but she seemed to be even more surprised than me for she covered her mouth with a shaking hand.

"I'm sorry, Natsuki… I…"

"It's okay." I smiled reassuringly as I got up and approached her.

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have yelled at you, it's not your fault. It's just that… What's going to happen if I fail? I'll have ruined my client's reputation and won't even have given him his children…"

"Shizuru, calm down…" I laid my hand on her shoulder. "You have to be positive right now, for your own good and for your client's."

"You're right…" she sighed and I finally saw what looked remotely like a smile grace her gentle features, I couldn't help but to smile myself, a big mistake it seemed as an uncomfortable silence descended upon us suddenly, a silence during which we found it impossible to look away from each other's eyes.

"Well," I cleared my throat allowing my hand to slip from her shoulder. "I think we should go to bed, it's pretty late and we've both had long days."

"What were you reading?" she pointed to the book I had abandoned as if wanting nothing more than to stretch our little time together.

"Some boring chemistry book my boss recommended me."

"Could I borrow it? Just for tonight?"

"Please, do! I'm sure it'll be a lot more useful to you than to me." I laughed to myself and sat back on my armchair.

"I'll think about you when I read it." now, maybe I should've been suspicious all over again but all I felt was a strange comfort knowing that she'd be thinking about me and, without realizing, I heard the following words leave my lips:

"I'll think about you too, Shizuru."

Shizuru watched me for a few seconds and I bit my bottom lip wondering why I had said such passionate words and most of all how they must have sounded to my friend.

"Thank you, Natsuki." she nodded at me, grabbed the book and headed to the door. "Good night."

"Good night."

The moment she left though I knew I would be the one to pace that night, why had I said that? It must've been subconscious but, again, even if it were, something would have to have impelled me to say it… Maybe a hidden desire for women? No, I had never felt that way for another woman… Why would I suddenly?

I was confused, and nothing I thought as an explanation seemed to make any logical sense, so I continued my search for explanations until the sun's first rays had invaded the living room and nearly blinded me.

"You are here." Mary's annoyed voice came from the open door.

"Yes, I am."

"That was a statement." I ignored her rudeness, she was always in a bad mood but early in the morning it was even worse as I had already found out, so I simply ignored her comment. "Your presence here won't stop me from doing my job."

"Good, I never intended to be an impediment to you." my lack of sleep got the best of me as I stated harshly, Mary only raised her eyebrows and continued pushing things aside and lifting them.

I watched our governess moving about and I was thankful it distracted me from my conflicting thoughts; I was dozing when Mary turned the vacuum cleaner on and I almost fell of the armchair.

"Sorry, but you said you didn't wanna be an impediment." she used my own words against me and I sighed, after all it was my own fault I hadn't slept.

"You're up early." Shizuru's voice stopped me from saying anything I may regret. "Oh… Don't tell me you have insomnia too!" she approached, concern overflowing from her words.

"Do I look that bad?" I asked, hiding my concern behind a light chuckle.

"No! Not at all! It's just that you haven't changed your clothes and you're sitting exactly as I left you."

"Am I? Well, that explains why I don't feel my ass…" I grabbed the armrests and pulled myself up, for a moment my legs almost gave in and I thought I was falling but thankfully it didn't happen.

"Are you alright?" Shizuru had obviously noticed my discomfort.

"Yeah, just a little rusty."

"What about we take a walk before breakfast? I'm sure Mary hasn't even started preparing it yet."

"If you had woken up in your usual hours…" the old lady complained but we ignored it.

"Sounds good!" I agreed stretching.

"Let's go then." we hurried out of the house and into the wideness of the garden for a refreshing and mostly quiet morning walk.


	8. A Day Among Friends

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Good August, everybody! I'm having extra vacations thanks to H1N1 and that makes me so happy. XD Here's another chapter. Natsuki's making a new friend, a friend for the good and Shizuru's in love, do you know who she's in love with? I have no idea... Hope you'll like it and leave me a review!

**_Chapter VII: A Day Among Friends_**

It was a beautiful morning and Shizuru seemed to be in the best of moods as we strolled up and down our big garden, I wondered if it had been our conversation the night before what had cheered her up or if the book had really fulfilled its purpose. I wish I had asked her for I still wonder about it to this very day.

"A penny for your thoughts." my friend said suddenly, smiling gently.

"I'm not really thinking." I told her because I didn't know what I was thinking about either.

"You've been thinking hard on something since we left."

"Have I? Well, I guess it was nothing important because I forgot what it was."

"To me it seems pretty important for you to skip a night's sleep."

"It's not important, it's just…" I searched for the right word. "Complex."

"Complex?" she chuckled, obviously at my use of the word. "Something about your work?"

"Yes, something about work." lying to her didn't feel good at all but I had to distract her from the subject before we had gone too deep and that was the only way I could think of doing it.

"Can I help?"

"Not really, Shizuru, but thanks." I gave her my most genuine smile and she answered with one of her own.

"Oh, and, Natsuki," she looked down suddenly. "about yesterday… Thanks."

"You've thanked me already, Shizuru, besides there's no need to."

"I just felt that brief 'thank you, Natsuki' last night hadn't been enough." she explained with her usual calm and controlled tone. "I'm going to visit Andrew after breakfast, tell him about our next steps. Would you like to come?"

"Well, truth be told, I've got nothing to spend my day with."

"Good, now let's go have our breakfast for Mary's scowling at us from the door." I looked to the significantly small figure of the governess, my friend was right, even from that distance I could see she was scowling. "That means breakfast's ready."

Besides Mary's bad temper her cooking was one of the best I had ever tasted and together with Shizuru's cheering company made me enjoy my meal greatly, half an hour after we had finished we were already on our way to Mr. Osgood's place where my friend had a hard task ahead of her.

My first impression when we entered the small cottage once again was that it had already acquired that home like feeling and it felt a lot cozier. Andrew Osgood despite the weary look and the leanness received us with a smile and a firm handshake; he was accompanied by his partner, Jim, of whom I had only heard about until that moment.

"It's good to have you here again." our host told me politely after introducing his companion. "Ms. Kuga, isn't it?"

"Call me, Natsuki." I wasn't very fond of formalities and neither seemed to be him for he added.

"And you call me Andrew, I feel rather old when called 'mister'. Don't you, Jim?"

"Well, I believe that I've gotten quite used to it by now."

"So, Andrew," Shizuru cut in when our conversation was over. "what about we get to business?"

"Actually, Shizuru, Jim and I wanted to invite you to join us for lunch and maybe we could discuss our position after that."

"Oh! What do you think, Natsuki?"

"I'm all yours for today." I told her.

"So we'll be honored to accept your invitation, gentlemen."

"Good, Jim would've been offended… He's a great cook!" Andrew whispered to us.

"I can hear you, Andrew."

"What's the menu?" Shizuru asked as we finally took our sits.

"Baked chicken with vegetables, and rice of course." Jim seemed to think it over and then turned to Andrew. "You think I should make some pasta too?"

"That would be nice; you know I'm not very fond of rice."

"Okay, then I'm off to the kitchen." he gave us a smile that shone in his eyes and reminded me of another person's one.

"He's great, isn't he?" Andrew asked us when the other was gone.

"I'm glad you're happy." was all Shizuru offered with a smile.

"What about you, Shizuru?" he asked and I watched the smile slip from her face.

"What about me?" she had understood the question, I knew, but that was her way of gaining some time to make up an answer.

"Are you happy? Are you with anyone?"

"There is someone but…" Shizuru planned her words carefully and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "This person will never love me, not the way I'd like."

"Hum…" something deep seemed to pass between them as their gazes locked and my friend nodded sadly before forcing a smile.

"I…" my feet pulled me up, I felt that I needed to give them privacy. "I'm gonna check if Jim needs any help."

"Thank you, Natsuki." Andrew smiled at me but I wasn't sure whether he was thanking me for helping Jim or for leaving them alone.

I left the leaving room with a sigh and walked slowly to the kitchen where I found Jim washing a few glasses.

"Hey!" he greeted me. "Do you need anything?"

"Oh, no! I came to check if _you _needed anything…"

"Well, thanks but I'm more than done already." he smiled drying his hands in a towel, I sighed again and he looked at me gently. "Is something troubling you?"

"Why do you ask?" I stared surprised at him.

"People only sigh like that when they have something turning over and over in their heads." I sighed yet again and his smile widened, how could he remind me so much of Shizuru?

"You're right; I've got many things 'turning over and over in my head'."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he gestured towards the kitchen table where we sat facing one another.

"I guess the main thing that's troubling me is a mystery called Shizuru…"

"Oh, really? What is mysterious about her?"

"Everything. The only thing I do know about her is that she comes from a wealthy and traditional family but I've heard rumors about her… And, as much as I'd like to confirm their veracity, I could never ask her."

"So your curiosity's, actually, what's tormenting you."

"You could say so… I've tried to ignore it all but I guess it's just human to crave knowledge and confirmation."

"It is, but tell me, what are these rumors about?"

"Considering her job it is not difficult to guess, is it?" I fought the blush that crept to my cheeks.

"They concern her sexual orientation." he stated blankly.

"And I don't wanna know because I'm disgusted or anything… I'm just curious. It doesn't make any difference to me whether she likes men or… or…" I didn't know why but I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Women." Jim finished for me and stood, smiling comprehensively. "The only advice I have for you, Natsuki, is to talk with Shizuru, ask her, be frank but let her know before hand that whatever her answer may be your friendship remains the same."

"Thanks." I muttered, nodding at him.

"Would you, please, call those two? I'm gonna serve the food."


	9. Plans and Challenges

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Morning, people! Staying home all these weeks has gotten me hiper happy, it's an unbelievable thing, but anyways... Natsuki's planning how to ask Shizuru if she's gay. Hope you'll like this update and review! ;)

**_Chapter VIII: Plans and Challenges_**

That afternoon, when we left the Osgoods', neither of us spoke much, Shizuru was obviously thinking about whatever it was she discussed with Andrew, but if it was about the trial or more personal matters I didn't know, and I was running my little chat with Jim through my head…

'Talk with Shizuru, ask her, be frank' he had said but how could I bring up such a delicate subject? I couldn't just ask her out of nowhere and Jim had also told me I should 'let her know before hand that whatever her answer may be our friendship remained the same', so it had to be planned, when and how I'd talk to her about it.

When we got home we simply excused ourselves and went each to her own bedroom with her own thoughts, after the sleepless night I had had I believed I'd be able to collapse in my bed and sleep until morning, no such luck, my mind wouldn't stop working plans and I found myself unbelievably awake, I cursed the world and by midnight I left for a ride.

The sound of the engine and the wind against my face were just refreshing and they eased my nerves completely, the only thing still disturbing me was the rumble of my empty stomach as I hadn't had dinner, I stopped at that same diner I had been with Shizuru and bought me a hamburger after thanking whomever created 24 hours service and fast food.

I was back home at two and found my friend spending another sleepless night pacing and thinking, I hesitated in front of her bedroom's door wondering if I should offer her my company but the lack of sleep had finally gotten to me and no one likes a sleepy company so I went to bed.

It was almost midday when I woke up fully rested, I had decided, as I chewed my hamburger a few hours before, that I'd invite Shizuru for dinner that same day and, during our meal, I'd bring up the subject somehow, the only thing I needed was for her to accept my invitation which I was sure she would. But didn't.

"Sorry, Natsuki-chan, but I'm afraid I'm traveling tonight." she said looking over the book she had been reading before I entered the living room.

"Traveling? But that's so sudden…" I didn't know what to say, I had been so certain that she would accept my invitation that I hadn't thought of anything else.

"Something came up yesterday as I talked to Mr. Osgood, but I'm not sure if it would be okay to use that information so I'm going to visit one of my teachers to ask for her opinion." she sounded so excited I could do nothing but to be happy for her.

"I hope you can use it and win the case."

"So do I and I promise we'll go out to celebrate then."

"I'll make sure you keep that promise." I was happy, I had gained more time to plan what I was going to say and had assured a dinner with her.

Shizuru traveled that night as she said she would and our dinner was scheduled for the day after the trial which was to take place on that Thursday, this time I didn't pray to anyone fearing that that had been the problem with the first trial, it was all a big amount of superstition, I knew but who doesn't fear the unknown even a little?

The most interesting thing is that it worked and my friend arrived with a victorious smile on her face which she quickly hid behind a cup of tea she asked Mary to make her.

"Nothing like a cup of tea." she told me as she refilled her cup and I laughed behind the newspaper I was reading. "Twenty four hours before our great celebration dinner." I looked to my watch, seven o'clock.

"Anxious?"

"_Very _anxious." Shizuru corrected. "I still have to choose what to wear."

"Don't worry so much."

"We've gotta go somewhere nice and expensive."

"Nice and expensive?"

"I'll pay for it, Natsuki."

"No, I'm not worried about that, I may even pay if you want, after all _I _invited you."

"Then _you _choose the place." that smile which shone in her eyes was back.

"You can choose, Shizuru, I mean this dinner to be a kind of present to you, for your efforts in this case."

"Well," I could see she was delighted and also speechless. "thanks, Natsuki." was all she managed.

"I suppose you're taking some time off now? To recover from all the stress this case has put on you?" I folded the newspaper and poured myself a cup of tea.

"I still have the minor cases I'm working on and tomorrow I'm meeting a new client."

"Really, Shizuru…" she chuckled.

"Worried about me?"

"What? Well, I…" good, I had said weird things again. "Of course I'm worried, you're my friend!"

"Oh…" for a second she looked disappointed but after she sipped her tea the smile came back. "I'm strong and healthy, no need to worry."

"How can not sleeping be healthy?" yes, I was repeating myself but I wanted her to let me help and solve her problem.

"I've had that since high school and I'm still alive, Natsuki." she waved the subject away again and I shook my head.

"It's not about living but living with quality."

"Everyone has their demons." she poured herself a third cup.

"Yeah, but yours can be conquered with a little medicine." I insisted and Shizuru sighed, the smile fading from her lips.

"If only things were as easy as you make them…" her voice was barely audible, a whisper, her gaze wandered through the window.

That must've been a great chance to bring up the subject and I regret losing it but intruding in her thoughts would've been even more regretful, I could see the suffering and the loneliness in her eyes and I knew the last thing she needed at that moment was my scrutiny. I got up and went after Mary, it was time to serve the dinner.

It was six thirty the next day when I started to get ready to our dinner, I repeated what I was going to say over and over in my head and decided that it'd have to do, Shizuru would be waiting for me at the restaurant because she had a meeting near it and said it'd be too much work to come home to get me and then go back.

Riding always soothed my nerves but not enough that I didn't start shaking when I saw her sitting at the table examining the menu, she saw me and her traditional smile appeared as she waved, all I wanted was to pretend I hadn't seen her and run away, I took a deep breath though and approached her.

"Good evening, Shizuru."

"Why so formal? Sit." she pointed to the chair opposite hers and I knew my big challenge had started.


	10. Dinning With Ms Fujino

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hello, everyone! Hope you had a nice week. I had a very unproductive one since I didn't write anything but classes are starting once again and well, I'll just have to find the time, huh? Here's the chapter you've been waiting for (or so I think XD). Will Natsuki have the guts to ask Shizuru about... you-know-what? Read and find out. And don't forget to review when you're done. ;P

**_Chapter IX: Dinning With Ms. Fujino_**

"Here." Shizuru handed me the menu. "They have a very good steak but that's only my suggestion, choose what you want." she smiled charmingly.

"Steak you said? It's good enough for me." I laid down the menu, I was finally starting to relax but it may have been the wine my friend had ordered.

"Hi, Wagner! How are you?" she greeted the waiter, a young blonde fellow, thin, with green eyes and… and…

"I'm great, Ms. Fujino, and, as usual, so are you!" Shizuru giggled. "Still not up for some coffee at my place?"

"Sorry, but you haven't been my type for quite sometime now, Wagner."

"Oh, well, I understand. So, what would you girls like?"

"Two steaks, please."

"Always the best for our best customer." and with that Wagner left us.

"He's something, isn't he?" Shizuru turned back to me chuckling.

"Shizuru, ahn…" I leaned closer to her. "He has breasts!"

"Natsuki," I could see she was making a great effort not to laugh and I can only imagine how I looked at that moment. "Wagner's a transsexual, the only surgery he's still missing is the mastectomy but when I met him he was still a woman called Wanda."

"That explains a lot." I smiled at the opportunity that was presented to me. "I think it's nice that people are different from each other, imagine how boring the world would be if we were all the same."

"You sound like my primary teacher… 'Differences are a funny part of life' she used to say." she smiled absentmindedly and nodded to Wagner when he left our plates. "Let's make a toast."

"A toast?"

"Yes, to our bright futures." she lifted her cup in front of our eyes.

"Or so we hope." I chuckled, touching my cup to hers and then taking a sip.

"Hum… Mine's great." she said after the first forkful.

"It's as good as you said."

"I'm glad, after all, I chose the restaurant."

"I'll let you do so more often." she chuckled, it made me happy we had managed to create such a comfortable, easy atmosphere. "Ah, Shizuru, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Ask me? Well, go on."

"It's just that, doing what you do… I heard some rumors and I wanted to be sure I wouldn't screw up when I answered these people."

"I know what you want to ask me." she looked seriously at me. "And I have been expecting you to since the day we first rode to Mr. Osgood's place."

"Then why didn't you just tell me? These doubts have been consuming me!"

"I didn't wanna destroy our friendship and, since you didn't ask I thought you had already gotten to your own conclusions."

"So you…"

"Yes, I am. And I'm trusting you with that information, it could mean the end of my career if it escaped to the press."

"Don't worry, I'll keep it with me and it won't change our friendship in any way." I don't know why but I reached for her hand, it was cold.

"Thanks." she whispered.

"Just another question…" I smiled apologetically and she chuckled motioning me on.

"Did you and Wagner…? You know…"

"Yes, when he was still she but it was a one night thing." she shook her head, a playful smile at her lips and I laughed at how weird they looked together in my mind, if I had known better at the time I would have noticed a touch of jealousy in my voice as well.

"Does Mary know?" I asked remembering the governess' words during my first day in my new house. 'She's just very… awkward sometimes, her habits and personal life', _and personal life_.

"Of course she's heard the rumors and I'm sure she suspects but I've never admitted anything." she cut her steak. "Why? Did she tell you something?"

"She implied there was something horrible about you, but that was right after I moved in." I thought Shizuru would be upset, angry even but she only smiled in wonder.

"She can't say much about me for her daughter's a homo too."

"She mentioned she had a daughter but I could never have guessed…"

"She's a tomboy, her name's Elizabeth, she's a few years older than us but she looks younger." my friend chuckled at the memories.

"Mary said she was about thirty."

"Yes, that's how old she must be now, she was twenty eight last time she visited."

"You had an affair with her too?"

"No, she was dating a French model when she came." her wine colored eyes captured my green ones. "But it does sound like you're jealous, Natsuki-chan." her tone was teasing and I could feel my face burning to the roots of my hair.

"Me? Jealous? What are you talking about?"

"I'm just kidding." she said apologetically.

"I forget this playful side of yours sometimes, Shizuru." I managed a nervous laugh, something had struck me at that moment… Could I really be… Jealous? I didn't remember being jealous of anyone before… How could I suddenly… and jealous of Shizuru of all people! I refused to accept such an illogical idea.

"Should we order the dessert?" her change of subject was more than welcome.

"Yes, any suggestion?"

The rest of our dinner was uneventful, Wagner flirted again with Shizuru as we asked for our desserts and my friend, answering to a request of mine, described how the Osgoods' trial had been, she even commented about the expression of Mr. Osgood's ex-wife and the witnesses' as questions were asked, and finished telling me just how happy her client and his partner had been at the results.

"That's what makes my work worth it." that quote of hers made me smile, how beautiful her heart was no one, except me, would ever know.

It was the first night in weeks that I slept with an easy mind, despite the jealousy matter, which I accepted to be only Shizuru's teasing personality, and the pacing I was getting so used to that I barely heard anymore. I dreamed though and it was a very disturbing dream…

_We were still in the restaurant but there was no one else, only the two of us. Shizuru was drinking tea and I was reading the newspaper as if we were in our living room. An article about chemicals caught my attention and I was so distracted as I read it that I didn't see my friend leave her seat and walk over to me, she may even have teleported, I couldn't know. A__ll I know is that, suddenly, she was behind my chair, leaning over me, her mouth almost touching my ear._

"_Na-tsu-ki…" she whispered slowly and I shivered. "I want you…"_

"_Sh-Shizuru!" I got up almost knocking down my chair and the table, her smile only widened and her arms enlaced my waist pulling me to her, chest against chest. "You want me too, I know… Don't be afraid to admit it."_

"_Let me go…" I whispered, it was as if I had lost all strength, I was melting in her arms, I was enjoying the feeling of her body against mine._

I woke panting, my skin sticky with sweat, I pushed the covers aside, the cold night air making me shiver, and ran to the bathroom for a shower. What was going on with me?


	11. Faking Plans

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hey, everybody! I had classes today despite it being Saturday... They're replacing the classes we lost thanks to the swine flu. XD But I should stop complaining now and just get to business. Here's chapter 10 and something very interesting's about to happen, what do you think it is? Read and discover! And review as well. :P

**_Chapter X: Faking Plans_**

That dream was the first of a series that tormented me during that week, I needed something to distract me and work wasn't doing it, were it dreams what kept Shizuru awake? I suppose her dreams didn't concern me though for if they did she'd probably sleep soundly. Did she have a dark past? Whatever tormented my friend's mind was a good distraction I decided. It was obvious though that the more I dreamed of Shizuru the more I thought about her and within another week I had a whole new set of questions running through my head but, at least, I slept soundly again.

One night though, I had just lied down and was staring at the ceiling waiting for sleep to knock on my door when it, actually, did, I sat up staring at the door perplexed, was I dreaming again? The knock repeated itself and I was sure it must be only a coincidence, so, shocking my head and pinching myself, I got up and opened the door to find a very distressed Shizuru.

"I need to talk to you." she said and I stepped aside for her to enter, the bed squeaked when she sat on it.

"Are you alright?" I managed when my surprise had worn off, she seemed to think more than one would expect to answer such a simple question.

"No, I'm not." that was her conclusion, I could see in her eyes that she had some ghosts to fight.

"Can I help?"

"Actually, I came to ask you that very same question."

"Well, then, what do you need?" I sat beside her, the bed squeaked again.

"My father's arriving here tomorrow."

"You want me to lend him my bedroom?"

"Yes, but there's something else…" she sighed, fidgeting. "Many years ago, right after I started college, I decided I was coming out to him for that would be the best way to avoid future embarrassments for the both of us." her eyes captured mine. "He laughed at me when I told him, he said: 'If that's the kind of person you want to be then be it but you'll never be happy, Shizuru, because women simply don't love other women.'"

"That's harsh…" I muttered to myself and she waved my pity away.

"He's been right so far, about me not being happy, but I don't wanna let him know it and that's why I need your help." she was serious I could see but I was still puzzled about how I was supposed to help her with that.

"And what do you want me to do?" her reaction to my question was memorable, she looked away and blushed.

"I need you to pretend to be my wife."

"What?!" I got up and paced to the door and back. "It's not that I have anything against your preferences, Shizuru, but what would people say? What would Mary say? And I doubt we'd be able to fake an intimacy such as that of a married couple…"

"It's only for three days, Natsuki. Our fake doesn't need to leave the house and I'll give Mary the days off… Please, I promise you won't have to kiss me or anything, merely hold my hand or arm and smile when I call you 'honey', 'baby', 'darling' or something like it." there was a spark of hope in her wine colored orbs and I sighed, she was right, it wouldn't be _that _difficult and I'd be doing her a big favor.

"Fine, I'll try my best," the smile that graced her lips made things worth it I decided but I didn't expect the hug and the kiss on the cheek that came after.

"Thanks, Natsuki-chan. I'll make up to you for it, someday." and, with that, she ran excitedly out of the room leaving me gapping and blushing like a school girl, I didn't know why though.

Whatever it was that we were doing needed planning so the next morning we were up early, Shizuru had bought, the day before, the rings we were wearing, most of my things were moved to her bedroom as my bedroom would be used by her father.

"You don't need to move everything, only things that might let him know the room was being used."

"So this bedroom was never used?"

"No." she winked at me as we walked to the kitchen, we were going to give Mary a few days off. When we found her, she was mixing something in a big pan and swearing under her breath.

"Good morning, Mary!" Shizuru gave the governess her traditional 'mouth plus eyes' smile.

"What is it, Ms. Fujino? More food?"

"Oh, no! The 'double T' you served us was more than enough and, in fact, it was so good that I decided to reward you with a few days off! Ain't I the nicest employer ever?" she clapped her hands excitedly, Mary only raised her eyebrows.

"Isn't it a little sudden, Ms. Fujino?"

"You had asked me for a few days off, hadn't you?"

"That was a month ago, Ms. Fujino."

"Really? It's as fresh in my memory as if it had been yesterday!" my friend looked thoughtful and I walked to the nearest counter trying to stop myself from laughing. "Just finish cooking and go, I'll see you in three days."

"Crazy, girls…" I still heard Mary mumble as we left the kitchen. "If breakfast being good was reason to give me days off I wouldn't have to come ever again. I'd have days off until the day I died!"

"Shizuru," I said laughing. "You'd do a very good actress."

"You think so? Well, too late for that now…" we stopped by the front door as she fumbled with her keys. "My father's plane arrives at midday, we'll be here for lunch."

"Okay."

"Mary's already cooked it, we just have to heat it up." she crossed the door and turned back to me. "Do you remember everything we made up?"

"We've been together for almost five years, we met at the college campus, dated for a few months and moved in here, we work a lot and almost don't stay home that's why we don't have any servant of any sort."

"We clean the house ourselves on weekends while we make out and have sex."

"Shizuru!" I felt my cheeks burn, she laughed and waved my embarrassment away.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist." she smiled sweetly as if that was enough for me to forgive her. "So, I'll be seeing you within an hour."

"Right, I hope I'll be emotionally ready by then."

"I'm sure you will." she smiled yet again and turned, walking towards the garage, I watched her as she drove away, she seemed strangely happy after the worried way she had spoken to me the night before, that couldn't be all do to the confidence she had in our little plan…

"Wished I knew what lies beneath it all." I muttered to myself as I reentered the house.


	12. Mr Fujino's Arrival

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Ohayou, minna-san! So, here's chapter 11 and the girls are finally going to put their plan to practice (Shizuru's plan that is XD). It didn't turn out as funny as most were expecting, I'm using this whole, how can I call it? Situation to get them closer little by little, that's all. :P Have a nice reading and let me know what you think!

**_Chapter XI: Mr. Fujino's Arrival_**

I was sitting, fidgeting when I heard the front door open and Shizuru's voice followed by another strong, masculine one, I stood up, my heart racing, I had never been so nervous about meeting someone.

"Honey, I'm home!" her tone almost allowed me to see her questioning expression.

"Coming!" I forced the voice out of my lips, then taking a deep breath and cursing my weak nerves I left my comfortable seat to join them at the hall.

"Where were you?" Shizuru asked, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Reading." I lied.

"This is my father, Satonori Fujino." she stepped aside, I wished she hadn't done so for the man that was now facing me was huge, blonde and seemed extremely dangerous and displeased.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." I nodded at him; I would have offered my hand if not for the fear of it being crushed.

"My daughter says you've been together for almost five years."

"Yes, sir." that conversation reminded me of a time during primary school that the principal called me to his office because I had been skipping too many classes, I was so scared of him I could merely sit there and nod.

"I can't believe I hadn't heard a word about you before."

"Well, father, that's because you were always too busy to say much more than 'hi, Shizuru' when I called you." my friend complained.

"I'm a busy man, Shizuru. I can't waste my time chatting with you on the phone."

"I know, I know." she smiled and turned to me, my hands suddenly in hers. "Could you get the lunch ready while I show my father around?"

"Sure." I kissed her cheek and whispered a quick 'thank you'; after all she had given me some time away from her scary father, before I entered the kitchen I still saw her chuckling and touching her cheek where I'd kissed her.

Only when I closed the door behind me did I think about what I had done, that kiss had been the most natural thing at that moment and if it hadn't been for the smile in my friend's lips I wouldn't have had a second thought but that smile worried me… Could she have interpreted the kiss wrongly? I certainly hoped not because right at that moment I had to prepare lunch for the 'pit bull'.

The food was ready in fifteen minutes and in twenty the three of us were already sitting at the dinning table filling our plates, I felt weird and out of place, Mr. Fujino was analyzing every little detail of everything, and I knew by the way his dark eyes sparkled that criticizing was one of his hobbies, and Shizuru was talking, trying to keep the atmosphere as light as possible with her father around.

"I'm glad you found someone, Shizuru." the 'pit bull' commented as we finished our desserts. "You know very well I predicted you'd be alone forever." if he weren't her father I would have jumped at his throat for such a harsh statement, my friend forced a smile but I saw the sadness in her eyes, her father had still to be wrong about his 'prediction'.

"Thanks, father."

"So you predicted that your daughter would be alone forever?" I felt anger boiling in my veins; it was also his fault that Shizuru was so depressed.

"Yes, I did, Ms. Kuga." he raised his eyebrows at me but I had already gotten used to the motion thanks to Mary.

"Then I believe you don't know her, sir." we were glaring at each other, I could sense my friend tensing beside me, and I grabbed her hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

"And I suppose _you do_?"

"She's the nicest person to be with, she's beautiful, funny, charming and hard working, and it doesn't matter how sad she's on the inside, outside she's always smiling." I knew that was the most passionate speech I had ever made and I knew, as much as I refused to acknowledge, that there was a lot behind it.

"And you are a very intense person, aren't you?" our glaring battle continued until Shizuru excused herself with a tearful tone. "Go after her, I can make myself at home." I sighed, if it depended on me our fight wasn't over yet. I walked to my friend's bedroom, I could hear a soft sniffing inside, and knocked.

"Shizuru, it's me. Please, let me in."

"Ah, Natsuki-chan! I can't believe you left father alone!" she forced her voice to sound normal, only a little hurt but I knew better than to believe it.

"Come on, Shizuru. I know you're hurting. Tell me what's wrong!" I was almost shouting, I wanted so badly to help her, comfort her, but she'd never allow me or anyone to do it, or so I thought.

The door was unlocked and she motioned me inside closing it again, she carried her head low, her fringe covering her eyes but I could see her breath was altered and she was shivering lightly.

"Why did you do that?!" her tone was that of a desperate person and when she lifted her head there were tears in her eyes.

"Why did I do what?" I fought the tears that gathered in my own eyes.

"No one had ever…" she walked past me and sat on the bed, her gaze was no longer on me but some far away place. "Defended me like that."

"I…" I could feel my heart sinking, her wine colored orbs found my green ones, confused and pleading.

"Why?" she repeated.

"I…" my stomach was twisting and my mind blank, there was no answer. I let out a breath I had been unconsciously holding and sat beside her. "I don't know." a few silent seconds passed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." she whispered, a gentle smile gracing her lips as she turned to me. "Thank you."

After that weird conversation between us, she went out with her father, whose reason to visit us had actually been some interest in a few local industries, I thought, when Shizuru revealed that to me, that Mr. Fujino was a complete business man and, now, I can tell you he remained so until the day of his death.

We had dinner separately, me at home with myself and her with the 'pit bull', when they arrived home it was almost midnight and I, from my spot in the living room, could hear him biding her good night and climbing up the stairs to his (my) bedroom, I just hoped there wouldn't be fleas in my bed when I slept back on it.

"You're thoughtful." Shizuru stated, she was standing at the doorway smiling.

"How was your dinner?"

"It was okay. I'm going to bed, you coming?"

Only then it struck me, I was sleeping with her, in her bedroom, in her bed… I shook my head and told her I'd be up in fifteen minutes, then I cuddled up in the armchair trying to convince myself of how stupid I was being, sharing a bed with her didn't mean anything, did it? Certainly not more than my speech at lunch…

I mentally slapped myself and got up, it was going to be a cold night so Shizuru's presence would be warm and comforting and only that I hoped.


	13. As A Real Couple Would

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Gomenasai, minna-san! I tried the whole day yesterday to upload this document so I could post it and I kept receiving the Processing Error message... I almost kicked the fucking computer through the window... I hope you don't mind it being one day late. My sincerest apologies again. Hope you'll like the chapter!

**_Chapter XII: As a Real Couple Would_**

"If I hadn't known you're gay by the time your father told you he was coming what would you have done?"

"Well…" Shizuru shifted, placing her elbow on her pillow and her face in her hand. "I might have just told you or I might have hired someone to play the whole of my wife."

"Hum…" I stared at the white ceiling. "Can we get up now?"

"Another twenty minutes." she said taking a quick look at the clock and turning back to me.

"But we've been just lying here for half an hour!" I complained, half an hour during which her wine colored eyes had burned holes in my skull.

"Enjoying each other's company as a real couple would."

"Could you, at least, stop staring so intensely at me?"

"I didn't know I was making you uncomfortable." she chuckled, lying down and joining me at my 'ceiling watch' hobby. "What is the fun of watching something that doesn't move nor change?"

"It calms you down."

"Does it?"

"You slept soundly." I changed the subject suddenly realizing I hadn't heard any pacing while I slept.

"I guess I'm just not meant to sleep alone." her tone wasn't teasing, it was honest.

"We could move your bed to my room when your father's gone."

"Oh, Natsuki… I think you liked to wake up with me, perhaps you'd like to try sleeping with me too?" she blinked and I looked away blushing.

"Really, Shizuru…"

"Maybe we should get up now." I watched as she jumped out of bed, grabbed some clothes she had chosen the night before and left for her morning shower.

I forced myself to leave the warmth of the covers too and change into something more appropriate to join the 'pit bull' for breakfast, Shizuru had already told me we were to spend the day at home as her father had some papers to work on and we should be around in case he needed anything… Maybe some bones and a bucket of water?

Taking as long as I could to get ready, just to be sure my friend would already be there with her father when I arrived, didn't work… Mr. Fujino was at the desk, leaning over a pile of paper but that didn't stop him from leaning back in his chair and turning his dark eyes to me.

"Good morning, Ms. Kuga."

"Good morning, sir." I cleared my throat. "Has your daughter come down yet?"

"No, she hasn't." he turned back to his papers. "Don't worry, Ms. Kuga, I'm not angry at you for that tongue lashing of yesterday, actually, I'm pleased my daughter found a person who loves her so truthfully."

Loves? I was gapping, I didn't want him to think I loved her, that was not true! But I could only thank him for that which I considered a compliment, after all, our plan was to make him believe we were a couple and it was working better than expected.

"Father, have you seen…" Shizuru appeared at the door. "Oh! Hey, honey! I was looking for you."

"You were?" I asked still feeling awkward about the loving nicknames.

"I thought you were waiting for me in the bedroom…" she sounded hurt and I hoped her father wouldn't blame me for it and rip my head off.

"And I thought you'd be waiting for me here."

"It doesn't matter, let's stop bothering father and go prepare breakfast." her hand curled around my wrist and I found myself being dragged out of the room. "I'm starving!"

"You needn't make that hurtful tone. What if your father had tried to kill me?" I said when we were safe inside the kitchen.

"We had to have come down together as a real couple would."

"And we should have showered together too 'cause that's what a real couple would do!" I got angry when she used that expression for the second time during the last hour. "We're not a real couple, Shizuru."

"I know." she let go of me and turned away grabbing the tea pot.

"Shizuru…" I placed my hand on her shoulder and felt her shiver. "I'm sorry." my voice was merely a whisper and Shizuru grabbed my hand tightly.

"Natsuki, I…" she stopped and let go of my hand pushing it away from her shoulder. "I should be making breakfast."

"_We _should be making breakfast _together _as a real couple would." we exchanged smiles and laughed.

When the meal was ready we sat, the three of us, once again in the dinning room with plates of pancakes and a lot of tea as my friend couldn't live without it, and, apparently neither could her father. I didn't say a word during the whole meal and no one asked me a thing but I was grateful for it.

"Are you done yet?" Shizuru peeked at me from the kitchen door as I washed the dishes.

"Only one more plate." I turned quickly to watch as she sat on the counter. "Why?"

Father says he's having lunch with an old colleague and I got a movie for us to watch. What do you say?" she waved the DVD's box in front of her face.

"I didn't plan anything for today, after all, we were staying home to tend to your father's needs so…"

"As soon as my father leaves we can start watching."

"What about lunch?"

"I thought about popcorn and cookies. Just for today." her smile was doing its magic for I chuckled and offered her my arm as we walked back to the living room.

We sat, not on our usual places but together on the sofa, still sticking to our slogan: "As a real couple would", the 'pit bull' merely lifted his head as we entered, working as fast as he could it seemed, it didn't take more than fifteen minutes for his friend to arrive and take him away, when the door closed behind him it felt as if a dark cloud had been lifted of our heads.

"He's got quite a strong presence, hasn't he?" I asked Shizuru as she came back from the hall where she'd accompanied her father.

"The atmosphere does feel a lot lighter when he leaves." she chuckled. "It's always been like that, since I was a little girl."

"What about your mother?"

"Mom was never really attached to anything and that includes father." she sat beside me with the remote control in her hand. "She left with some tomboy and never came back."

"Oh! So it's genetic."

"Maybe." she chuckled. "No one's ever explained the 'phenomenon' of homosexuality, not scientifically at least."

"It's better that they don't or the first thing they'll do is start looking for a cure."

"A cure might not be a bad thing, after all the only thing homosexuality brings to your life is suffering." there was indeed much more pain in her voice than I would have liked to hear, it was naturally difficult and her father didn't make things easier either.

"I'm gonna get the popcorn." not knowing how to comfort her I ran cowardly away.


	14. Mr Fujino's Departure

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Morining, people! (At least right now, right here it's 7:23 AM). XD So, this is a VERY important chapter and you'll soon discover why. I hope you'll like it, though I wanted to kill myself in the end for being so evil it's needed of me, sometimes, to be so. :P Have a nice reading and, as usual, please, review!

**_Chapter XIII: Mr. Fujino's Departure_**

When I woke up, Shizuru was still sleeping, it was the day her father was leaving and I was happy we had been able to fool him but I felt strangely uneasy about having to sleep in my bedroom again, alone. I chuckled mentally, how much more childish could I be?

"You awake." My friend yawned and stretched. "What time is it?"

"Almost eight." I smiled at her, sleeping like a normal person but her in a very good mood. "What time does your father leave?"

"He has to be at the airport by eleven." She blinked a few times, her mind obviously still hazy from sleep. "I think I may have lunch there with him."

"That's okay."

"You know I'd rather have lunch with you, but…"

"I wouldn't be able anyways, today's Monday and I have a job, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I never stay so much at home so when I do it makes me feel like I'll never have to work again." I joined her in her laughter.

"I should be getting ready." She watched as I fumble with the bag where I'd put my clothes and ran to the bathroom almost stumbling over the 'pit bull' on my way.

"What's the hurry for, Ms. Kuga?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I just wouldn't like to be late for work." Which I usually was and lost a bunch of 'points' for.

"Go on." He moved away so that I could pass, I nodded him thanks and disappeared behind the bathroom door.

My day at work was pretty uneventful, I commented with Takeda about Shizuru's father and how he reminded me of a pit bull, of course I left out the part of us fooling him into believing we were a couple specially because, even though I trusted him, I had promised Shizuru I'd keep her secret only to myself.

I got home at six, as soon as I opened the door, a wonderful smell filled my nostrils and dragged me to the kitchen, where my friend already awaited for me, smiling brightly and wearing an apron which was all dirty with flour and whatever else she had used in her cooking experiment.

"Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes." She said cocking her head to the side as her smile widened, I couldn't help but notice how cute she looked.

"Okay. What are you cooking?" I stepped closer so that I could spy inside the oven but she stood in front of it.

"Surprise, Natsuki-chan!"

"You like torturing me, don't you?"

"It's your own fault for being so curious."

"Whatever…" I turned away blushing lightly, she was right, I was fucking curious. "How was it with your father? I didn't get to say goodbye to him."

"It was okay. We got to the airport, checked his bags in, ate something and, at midday, he was already in his plane."

"Hum…"

"He sent you his condolences and told me I might not believe him but he was happy for me." She snorted. "It was weird, hearing him say that."

"I can imagine."

"Now, you just wait for me at the table." Her hands connected with my shoulders as she pushed me towards the dinning room. "I'll be right there."

Being stubborn didn't work with her so I just did as I was told taking my seat at the dinning table and listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen, within five minutes Shizuru entered carrying a big golden turkey stuffed with all kinds of vegetables, flour and fruit.

"Really, Shizuru… You needn't have such work."

"I was bored, besides we have to celebrate the success of our little faking plan."

"It feels like it's Thanksgiving."

"Than let's give our thanks before we start eating." She chuckled taking her sit opposite me.

"A toast would be good enough." I grabbed the bottle besides my plate and poured us some wine. "To us."

"Together or apart?" Shizuru teased and I shook my head hopelessly. "To us." She sipped her wine waiting patiently for me to try the turkey. "How is it?"

"The best turkey I ever ate." I was being sincere.

"I'm glad."

The subject then changed to how my day at work had been and the conversations we'd had with her father, specially her since she'd spent a lot more time with him than I had, when I told her of the pit bull thing she laughed and said she could have never thought of a better animal to compare him with.

We finished our dinner and abandoned the dishes in the sink for Mary to clean when she arrived the next morning, we shared a good laugh imagining the amount of mumbling the governess would do during the whole day because of that and went upstairs to plan how we'd fit both beds in one tiny bedroom.

"We could turn the other room into a closet." I commented as we stared at the room.

"Or we could put the beds together…"

"Wouldn't that be like sleeping in the same bed?" I searched her face for any signs of teasing.

"And would it be that bad?"

"What do you want, Shizuru? For real." Her wine colored eyes widened and then narrowed, alternating from almost blood red to chocolate brown.

"You really want to know?" she took a step forward but I held my stance and there was suddenly no more than a feet between us.

"Yes, please, tell me." I could feel her breath on my face.

"I want you." Her voice was a whisper and as I replayed her words in my head to be sure I had heard right she repeated. "I want Natsuki…" the second time it was more like a purr, she was almost kissing me when reality struck and I pushed her away.

"Wh-what are you doing?!"

"I… But I thought—"

"Fuck, Shizuru, I am _not _like you!" I hadn't meant to be aggressive but the shock got the best of my nerves.

"I'm sorry, Natsuki… I… I know you're not like me but I… I…" she reached out for me but I stepped back, her lips were quivering.

"You what?" her hand fell back to her side and her gaze searched desperately for mine, she mustn't have been seeing clearly with all the tears.

"I love you." The sincerity in her voice was heartbreaking and breathtaking and all I could do was stumble backwards until I was sitting on the bed.

"Shizuru, I…" I lifted my eyes to her face. "I could've never imagined. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She wiped the tears away. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have allowed it to happen."

"You couldn't have helped it."

"I suppose we're not sharing a bedroom anymore." Shizuru smiled sadly as a few tears escaped her.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say avoiding the pain and defeat in her eyes.

"But you're not moving out, are you?" it was obvious to me that that was the last thing she wanted to ask but she had to.

"I don't know…" I sighed. "Right now, I really don't know."


	15. An Unproductive Day

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hey, people! I'd like to thank those who warned me that the chapter wasn't showing. It seems it was only during a short period in the morning, probably a problem in the site so, last time I checked it was okay. I hope it stays that way... X/ About the story, Natsuki seems to be struggling again and how do you think Shizuru will cope with the rejection? Let me now what you think! (In other words... Please, review!)

**_Chapter XIV: An Unproductive Day_**

It was another sleepless night to both of us, Shizuru was pacing again and I wondered if she was crying as well, I hoped not, I had felt as good as dead when I saw the tears in her eyes and the image of her, as desperate as she had been, would not leave my mind.

When I got up my friend had already left and I thanked God I didn't have to face her so soon after what had happened, though I couldn't say the same about Mary and her scrutiny, not to mention the mumbling the dishes from the previous night had caused.

"It seems you two had a fight." The governess commented as she served me.

"What makes you think so?"

"Ms. Fujino never leaves without having at least three cups of tea, unless there's something very bad tormenting her."

"Well, it could be something about her job."

"But that wouldn't explain those bags under your eyes and your bad mood."

"Work." I answered automatically.

"That's your excuse for everything?" she asked before she disappeared behind the kitchen door, I thought about shouting some very rude answer but she was right and my voice wouldn't come out.

Work could be an excuse for everything but I had no excuse to miss work, I sat there staring at the colorful chemicals filling the bottles that surrounded me, I swear I could see Shizuru in every and each one of them even though I knew they were all illusions created by my troubled mind.

"You okay?" Takeda sat beside me, his hand resting on my shoulder.

"Yeah, just a little tired. I didn't sleep at all last night."

"Partying?" he smiled.

"Not really."

"Problems?"

"Big problems."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Ahn… No, I'd rather not."

"You should tell someone, you know? Isn't there anyone you could talk to?"

"Actually… There is someone…"

"Good! Promise you'll talk to this person?"

"I promise." I knew he wasn't leaving if I told him otherwise and I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

The person I had mentioned was Jim, but we barely knew each other and even though he'd helped me already I didn't think I could just appear at his house and throw my problems at him, but I could call and I did.

"Jim? It's me, Natsuki."

"Natsuki! How are you? You sound sad."

"I'm not that well."

"Did my little advice go wrong?"

"No, the advice was more than helpful. I'm calling because something else happened…"

"She told you, didn't she? I told Andrew she wouldn't be able to keep it secret as she intended."

"So she intended to keep it secret?"

"Of course! She knew you didn't reciprocate. Did you do anything that may have made her doubt that?"

"I probably did…" I confessed feeling quite guilty.

"Don't worry about it."

"What do I do? Should I move out? What should I say when I see her again?"

"Certainly not freak out and ask her a bunch of questions." He chuckled.

"I'm sorry."

"Now _that _is what you should say when you see her again and act normally."

"I'll remember that."

"About moving out… Do you want to?"

"No!" I hurried.

"Then you've got your answer."

"Okay. Sorry for disturbing you."

"I wasn't doing anything, really. Oh, and, Natsuki, one more thing!"

"What?"

"Listen to your heart. Always."

Despite that weird end to our conversation the rest had been able to clear my mind as to what I was going to do when I met Shizuru and thanks to that I arrived home feeling confident and relaxed, I went straight after her but I have to admit I was pretty sure she wouldn't be home… She was though.

"Shizuru…" I said entering the living room and finding her sitting there.

"Hello, Natsuki-chan!" she smiled as she always did. "Sit. The afternoon news are about to start." Her thin white finger pointed to my usual armchair.

"Ahn… Okay." The words I had so carefully picked had disappeared the moment she'd smiled to me. Was she pretending nothing had happened? Or had she really lost her mind? Those were questions I was sure, even back then, that I'd never ask.

"So, how was your day?" she asked changing to the news channel.

"It was very…" I searched for the right word. "Unproductive."

"That's quite a word to describe your day." Her light chuckle was just relieving to the nerved and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Excuse me, Ms. Fujino." Mary was at the door suddenly. "I'd like to have a word with you."

"In private?" Shizuru looked to me and back to the governess.

"She can stay."

"Go on then, do you wanna sit down?"

"There's no need. I just mean to tell you that my daughter's in the town and she would love to come and visit you."

"Oh, Elizabeth's in the town?" my friend seemed to run some ideas through her head. "I won't be free until Saturday, tell her I'll be waiting for her then."

"She'll be very happy to hear that." Mary nodded at us and left.

"Why is she so polite with you while with me…?"

"I guess she thinks I'm the only one who can fire her."

"I can't fire her? Well, I guess that does make sense for the house is yours and you hired her long before I arrived."

"I'll let you fire her if you ever want to."

"No, you can do it… I wouldn't want to carry her poisonous hatred." We laughed, but we knew, deep inside, that the governess was more important to us than she seemed.


	16. Elizabeth's Visit

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Minna-san, sorry for the delay… I'm having serious problems with the site. I can upload my documents but when I try to edit them the texting box appears completely blank… I don't even know if this is going to appear right for you because I couldn't preview it… Horrible and the same thing happened with my profile. I want to rip my hair off! I'm so fucking stressed with this… AH! Don't forget to review when you're done.

**Chapter XV**_**: Elizabeth's Visit**_

She was thirty, short light brown hair, the bluest eyes I had ever seen and she was standing right in front of me as I opened the front door, she was a tomboy, as Shizuru had said, but with an angel like girly face.

"Hi, I'm Elizabeth Baxter." She offered her hand which I shook firmly.

"Natsuki Kuga."

"Oh! Mom told me a lot about you!" I motioned for her to come in. "Is Shizuru home?"

"I'm here." My friend waved to her guest, she looked like a diva as she slowly walked down the stairs. "Liz', it's so good to see you!" she gave the other girl a big hug and for a second I wished she had strangled her, but then realizing my weird murdering thoughts I shook my head.

"It's good to see you too. You look even more beautiful than two years ago." Shizuru giggled and I felt my eyes rolling.

"You wanna have some tea? There's still an hour before lunch."

"I see you continue being the tea addicted, maybe that's what keeps you looking so young."

"You flatter me." She smiled gratefully. "I'll ask Mary for the tea."

"No, stay. I'm sure your friend can do us this little favor." They both turned to me and I found myself not only agreeing but making my way to the kitchen, swearing under my breath as our governess would. Who or what did they think I was?

"Mary, Ms. Fujino wants tea."

"Now? It'll be lunch time in an hour! Why do I still cook? If she prefers to have tea… She should have hired some Japanese tea-maker instead of me old self!" she handed me the tray nonetheless and I headed to the living room where I was sure to find them making out on the sofa. I found no such thing, thankfully.

"Thank you, Natsuki." Shizuru looked up at me, as I placed the tray on the coffee-table, and smiled, her 'friend' though couldn't take those devil like blue eyes of her. "Stay here with us." My friend told me. "Liz' was telling me about her job in England."

"Really?" I couldn't keep the irony from my voice. I wondered why that girl bothered me so much already. "What do you do?"

"Nothing interesting." She barely looked at me as she said that, her gaze quickly turning back to Shizuru. What a rude, stupid, flirty, dyke she was!

"Come on, tell her about it."

"I'm here to rest, Shizu'. I don't wanna talk about work…" Oh, poor thing! I snorted.

"You alright?" my friend turned to me genuinely concerned.

"I may be getting a cold." I lied.

"If you need anything…"

"She can take care of herself, Shizu'. Right, Kuga?" she turned to me expectantly, I wanted to rip her head off but I didn't feel like going to jail yet.

"Right, _Baxter_."

"What about you?" Elizabeth turned back to Shizuru. "Still the workaholic?"

"My work is all I've got."

"That means you're single." Her interest for my friend grew a lot after that.

"What about you? No longer with that French model?"

"We broke up right after we got back to England."

"I'm sorry… You seemed so in love with her while you were here…"

"Yeah, I know but," I narrowed my eyes as she shifted even closer to Shizuru. "I met someone else…"

"Around here? You're lucky, it's pretty difficult to find girls like us in this region." My friend sounded clueless but I knew she was only pretending.

"She's beautiful and sexy and intelligent and—" I cleared my throat.

"You sure you're alright?" Shizuru got up and walked towards me feeling my forehead for any signs of fever. "I'll pour you some tea." And as she was distracted by the tea, Elizabeth fixed me with a death glare of the worst kind to which I answered with one of my own.

"Ms. Fujino, lunch's ready." Mary appeared out of nowhere.

"Well, Natsuki-chan, I guess you'll have to wait a little longer for your tea."

"No problem, Shizuru. I'm not feeling that bad." I gave her one of my sweetest smiles, I didn't know how nor why it had happened but our guest and I had started quite the fight for my friend's attention. During lunch thought we had a truce for Mary was at the table with us.

After our meal and back at the living room, our little battle restarted, but who seemed to be having more fun with it was, obviously, Shizuru. She came and went, from one to the other, teasing in every possible way but I knew I had already won, she loved _me _and it was sad that after what I had done to her she couldn't walk away with Elizabeth, because her heart had been given to me.

"I'm glad you were able to do it." Our guest said when my friend finished telling her about Mr. Osgood's case.

"So am I." she smiled relieved that in the end things had turned out for the better. "Natsuki was a very big help too."

"I didn't do anything really." I felt myself blushing.

"Of course you did! You were always there when I needed you, it was only thanks to you that I didn't give up at the end." She was serious and I could see in Elizabeth's blue eyes just how envious she was.

"I'll ask Mum for more tea."

"Thanks, Liz'. I was just thinking about that."

"You're welcome, Shizu'." She winked making my friend giggle and left us.

"Shizu'…" I mumbled to myself. "Sounds like a dog's breed, like Shih Tzu."

"Did you say something?"

"No, I didn't."

"I'm sure I heard your voice… It must've been my imagination." Shizuru smiled and I shrugged.

Elizabeth and Mary left right after dinner but not before the first had talked my friend into a date the next day to which I could do nothing but frown, for some unknown reason it didn't feel right to let Shizuru go out with her… I told myself I was being extremely selfish, that I should let her and Elizabeth have their date and maybe Mary's daughter would be able to give her what I could not.

"Natsuki?" she looked at me through the living room door.

"Have they left already?"

"Yeah." Opening the door wider she leaned against the frame. "Are you going to bed?"

"Not yet. Why?" it was the first time I saw her looking so young, lost and needy, like a very young child.

"Would you stay with me a little longer?"

"Sure."

No word was uttered for a whole hour, we just sat there reading until sleep was too much to bear and I left after a whispered 'thank you' from her and a smile of my own.


	17. Realization

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hey, everybody! I intended to update tomorrow but I don't think I'll have the time, so here is chapter 16. You'll be glad to know that I'm working on an extra long chapter 17. Yay! Or not… What do you think about this chapter's title? In the end you tell me if you thought the wrong thing, huh? See ya!

**Chapter XVI**_**: Realization**_

The next morning came with a big realization… Shizuru's father was right, I loved her. I didn't know how I hadn't realized before, all the symptoms of a person in love could be found upon my behavior. She fascinated me, when she smiled I smiled, when she was sad I was sad, I felt lonely without her, I was protective of her, I was concerned about her, I was jealous of her and the closeness we'd shared during our faked marriage… I wanted it to last forever.

Yes, that realization did make me happy, after all the love was mutual but it also scared me like nothing ever had, it was a forbidden love and if we chose to act upon it, it would never leave the walls of that house or else it would ruin both our reputations and careers, no, it was better to ignore it and let it fade, slowly, like a flame.

I knew she was leaving for her date with Elizabeth but I didn't stop her, if I was determined to forget my love for her I should allow her to forget her love for me too. I needed to share my radical decision with someone though, to be completely sure I was doing the right thing, if I had chosen Takeda he would have easily agreed with me but the only one I could talk about by current situation with was Jim.

"Hi, Natsuki!" he answered the phone. "How's everything?"

"I don't know, Jim. I really don't, but perhaps you could help me."

"What about you come here and spend the afternoon with me? Andrew's traveling and will only be back tomorrow."

"Good, do you want me to buy something for lunch on my way?"

We spoke about nothing but work during our meal and even though I was anxious to let him into my little problem I enjoyed the distraction. Jim told me Andrew had traveled to his ex-wife's house to get his children, of whom he now had custody, thanks to Shizuru, they had wanted to get the children right after the end of the trials but there had still been some papers to sign and other things.

"Now let's talk about you." He said suddenly, we were still at the kitchen table where we had lunched. "How was your first meeting with Shizuru after you, how can I say?"

"Refused her? Broke her heart?"

"How dramatic…" he chuckled. "Tell me exactly what happened, the reason why she could have possibly changed her mind."

For forty-five minutes or so, I explained to him about our celebration dinner and how she had so promptly known what I was going to ask, about her father's sudden visit, about Shizuru's plan and why she wanted to fool him into believing we were a couple and finally about the discussion that had lead into her confession to me.

"I see… And back to your reunion?"

"After I spoke with you on the phone I went back to work and the straight home, she was in the living room, she received me like she would have any other day, smiling and asking about my work."

"She pretended nothing had happened." Jim summed up and I nodded. "And you?"

"I played her game, maybe I should've done something else but all I was concerned about was restoring the normality between us and saving our friendship."

"Well, seems like everything turned out for the best." He eyed me intensely. "Then, what's really troubling you?"

"Jim, I… I think I love her."

"Hum…" he leaned back in his chair thoughtfully, he didn't look the littlest bit surprised and I wondered if he, with his trained senses, had known even before I did. "Why's that a problem? You know she reciprocates."

"Yeah, but we'd have to keep our relationship secret and if it was revealed somehow, our careers, reputations, even our lives could be ruined forever!"

"That may be true but isn't it worth taking the risk? You are both unbelievably discreet and if something goes wrong you can always dye you hair, change your name and start all over in some faraway country." He was serious but I laughed nonetheless, as if it was as simple as he put it.

"I'll think about it, Jim. Promise."

The little rest of the afternoon we spent laughing over my 'battle' with Elizabeth who at that very moment must've been walking in the park with Shizuru, saying poetic things and flirting as she'd been the day before, I told myself I should concentrate on what Jim had told me and decide if I was taking the risks I already knew would be worth it.

I got home by seven, Shizuru hadn't arrived yet and it worried me, it worried me that during those last few hours she might have fallen for her 'Liz', if she had, it would have been my fault and mine alone, I would never be able to live with myself again…

Mary gave me a weird look as she served my dinner, I couldn't stop laughing at my own stupid thoughts, as if anyone could fall in love in a few hours… I must've fallen badly for Shizuru for why else would I be so worried? That thought made me laugh even more only this time it was of nervousness.

"And I always thought Ms. Fujino would be the first one to freak out."

"Don't worry, Mary, I haven't freaked out yet." I finally managed to stop laughing and start eating.

"Oh, and I haven't turned thirty yet." She stated sarcastically.

"I'm sure you haven't." I started laughing again and her eyes widened.

"Good Lord!" she was making the sign of the cross when Shizuru entered.

"What's so funny?" she asked looking from my laughing figure to the governess scared one.

"She's gone mad, Ms. Fujino! Mad! Laughing like the devil himself!"

"Ara, ara…" Shizuru shook her head slowly as if deeply touched by this dilemma, I started laughing again even though the muscles of my mouth and stomach ached. "That would be a big problem, Mary."

"Indeed!"

"Now why don't you serve my dinner while I exorcise, Ms. Kuga?"

"We should be calling the priest." Mary mumbled as she walked back into the kitchen, Shizuru stood there staring at me and almost laughing herself.

"I don't know why you're laughing but you've really managed to scare her."

"Oh, my…" I tried to calm down. "I was just thinking about some funny things, I would have stopped laughing a long time ago hadn't she freaked out like that."

"I freaked out?" the governess reentered serving Shizuru's dinner. "I'm sorry, girl, but I wasn't the one laughing madly!"

"Really…" I muttered.

We dined in silence, I didn't have the courage to ask her about her date and all I told her about my day was that it had been 'okay', she bid me goodnight as soon as she was done and went to her bedroom. I still read for about an hour before I took a shower and decided it was time to go to bed, I didn't do that though.

Her pacing was as fast as usual, I wondered again what was that tormented her so much, I stood in front of her bedroom's door, ready to knock, my heart hammering in my chest, I gave up knocking and turned the knob.


	18. Pacing

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **So, we are back to Saturday updates. And even though I still can't review my documents after uploading them as long as I don't have problems posting them on the site, it will be ok, right? I just have to make sure everything's alright before I upload. Well, about the chapter… It's extra long! Yay! And it has a little…**SEX WARNING!** This fic is finally making up to its rate. XD Have a nice reading!

_**Chapter XVII: Pacing**_

Wine colored eyes found mine, a mix of surprise and hope going through them as I closed the door behind me. I could feel my mouth dry and my heart was beating so fast I was afraid it would jump out of my throat.

"Natsuki." Shizuru whispered still staring at me from the other side of the room. I took a deep breath and leaned against the door trying to think clearly.

"Shizuru… Why do you pace?" that was not what I meant to say but I needed time and wanted to know the answer as well.

"Why?" she chuckled lightly and I felt confusion creeping inside me. "It's a silly reason." A white delicate hand pushed a few strands of hair behind an ear. "I thought that if I wasted some energy I might fall asleep."

"Has it ever worked?"

"Not really." She smiled and so did I.

"May I join you?"

"Of course!"

And we started pacing, side by side, back and forth and back and forth our arms brushing once in a while as silence started to become uncomfortable, suddenly her hand seized mine and she looked to our feet somehow apologizing. I sighed, squeezing her hand lightly and wondering how I should just come out and tell her of my feelings.

"Shizuru, I…" I mentally told myself to calm down. "I've been thinking." Another pause, the blankness in my mind shone and I took a quick peek at the woman beside me, she was more nervous than me. "I've been thinking about a lot of things… About you, about me, about how deep our friendship has become and I realized that what I… what I feel, for you, is much stronger than I had thought at first." I stopped and she turned to face me, her eyes already filled with tears.

"You don't need to do this for me." Her voice was a mere whisper, she wanted love so badly… _My _love. But she feared I was doing that thinking only about her happiness and not my own.

"I'm not doing this for anyone, Shizuru. That's how I feel." I brushed away one of her tears. "I love you too."

"Natsuki…" she whispered and I realized just how close we were standing, how accelerated our breaths were. I could smell her sweet perfume as her lips inched tentatively closer to mine, she was still reluctant but my mouth had watered at the sight of hers and I couldn't wait another second.

All the longing that had built up inside us rushed out the moment our lips locked, I could feel her hands roaming all over my body until they settled in my hair. My own hands were a lot more hesitating, exploring her back carefully over her clothes while our tongues caressed one another. The moment would've lasted forever if not for our need to breath.

I couldn't rationalize, my body was moving on its own as I went straight from kissing her to nibbling at her neck, it had been so long since I had last touched another human in such a way.

"Natsuki, wait." Shizuru chuckled pushing me away by my shoulders so that our eyes could meet. "We shouldn't hurry things or we may regret it later."

"You still don't believe me? I said I love you, Shizuru." I tried to convince her to let me continue, I had never done it with another woman, I had no idea what to do, but my body wanted it and I wouldn't discuss with it.

"I know you said that and I think it's already a big step." She smiled brightly yet tenderly, like I had never seen, and leaned closer, her lips almost touching my ear. "We are still going to do lots and lots of enjoyable things together… Here, in your bedroom, in the living room, in the kitchen…" she whispered thoughtfully before licking my ear and pulling away with a mischievous smile.

I shivered for a few good seconds, feeling her hot tongue in my ear as if it was still there, Shizuru only stood there watching in awe, I'm sure she was more than proud of herself for getting such a reaction from me. My cheeks burned and I shook my head to clear it from the naught thoughts her words had created.

"Maybe I should get going then." I said after clearing my throat.

"Stay." Her slender arms wrapped tightly around my waist, her voice tearful as she nuzzled my neck. "I'm sure we can both fit in my bed… I only sleep when you're with me!"

"Okay, Shizuru." I sighed feeling the tiredness inside me. "Just don't cry."

"I can't believe my Natsuki's sleeping with me!" she pulled away smiling, no signs of tears anywhere, and pulled towards her bed.

"You fooled me!" I stated, barely believing what had just happened.

"Ara, ara…" she faked innocence. "What makes you think that?"

"I'd tickle you to death, Shizuru, if it weren't so late." I jumped on the bed beside her and pulled the covers over our bodies.

"That's a kind of death I wouldn't mind having." She whispered snuggling closer.

No other words were said as we quickly drifted off to dreamland. The next morning yelled _'MONDAY' _at us and, as much as we wanted to stay home and explore our newly discovered relationship we had to work and work seemed like the most boring activity of the world at that moment. It didn't only seem, it was.

I looked at the clock, three fifteen, I wrote another paragraph, I looked at the clock, three seventeen, I growled, I wrote another two paragraphs, I looked at the clock, three twenty, I growled… And so it went, all the afternoon, the morning had passed like that as well. I started to fear that the time had either slowed down significantly or frozen completely.

Truth be told, time was still moving in the same pace as always and soon I was on my way home and planning to invite Shizuru out for dinner. I wondered if my declaration the night before made us officially together, I thought so… Maybe I should start calling her my girlfriend then or lover? The later sounded more appropriate for the case and I liked the strength it seemed to bear.

Strolling into the house I froze at Mary's weird expression, I must've looked unbelievably ridiculous smiling as I was and, to the governess… possessed. I waved at her as I entered in the living room where my _lover _was working quietly at the desk.

"You're early." I commented not expecting to see her already back home.

"I had some research to do on a case."

"You need an office, Shizuru. Every lawyer has one." I leaned over her shoulder, she was reading about aggression.

"Perhaps you can get me an office for my birthday." She turned to give me a pleading smile.

"Sorry, but you'll have to wait until I have enough money and that'll be a good fifty years from now."

"Oh, well…" she enlaced my neck and pulled my head down, our lips brushing lightly. "I guess I'll just have to wait."

"It won't be long…" her reply, whatever it was, if there was a reply at all was muffled when our lips finally met, tender and passionate. It impressed me how much our love had matured in one day.

"I wanna make love to you… Natsuki." She whispered and I realized how attractive my name sounded from her rosy lips. "Come."

I couldn't say a word as I allowed her to drag me to her bedroom, she pushed me in and locked the door. My breath was already unsteady with anticipation, animal instincts speaking for themselves as she approached, our lips desperately seeking one another as we fumbled with each other's clothes.

Managing to open her shirt I proceeded to her bra and then her pants caressing all the skin I could find on the way. We only broke the kiss once before our clothes were all on the floor, it was for her to slip my T-shirt off. I could taste the tea in her mouth as our tongues touched intimately and our finally naked bodies pressed together sending electric waves through my body that made me moan into her mouth.

We pulled away breathless, our lust filled gazes met and she pushed me towards the bed barely giving me the time to think as I found her body on top of mine, her knee between my tights while she placed kisses and love bites all over my collarbone.

Shizuru then lifted her head and admired my flushed and pleading expression with the same pride a famous painter analyzes her prime piece, she pressed her leg against my sex and was presented with a moan I could not suppress. She swirled her tongue around my nipple sending another electric wave right to my loins and making me move against her leg urgently. She was a damn teaser.

My other nipple soon received the same treatment as the first and my hips moved even more often against her, begging for attention. Her tongue finally moved down my stomach, diving briefly into my navel before brushing lightly against a spot that made me see stars. It was a fact that, after so long without sex, the littlest touch could send one straight to heaven and so, the moment I felt the tip of her tongue inside me my body exploded with pleasure and for what seemed like a very long time I gasped unable to stop my muscles from contracting together with the last wave.

When my breath was back to something closer to normal, I found Shizuru's smiling expression and pulled her down for a kiss shifting our positions while she was distracted.

"That's my Natsuki." She stared up at me with longing in her wine colored eyes and I nodded giving her a sweet smile before my mouth met the white skin of her neck.

I nibbled at it while, with the hand that wasn't supporting my weight, I traced circles around her navel and nipples making her arch her back to meet my touch. Our eyes met when I lifted my head and I saw my love reflected in her eyes, I stopped my ministrations and touched my nose to hers.

"I love you, Shizuru." My voice was filled with all the emotions I was experiencing and tears rolled down her cheeks as she cupped my face in her hands.

"I want to feel you inside me, Natsuki."

After giving her a quick peck on the lips, I allowed my hands to continue their exploration, this time in lower regions feeling every single part of her before I finally pushed a finger inside, her moans urged me to move in and out and then I let another finger join the first . Shizuru pushed against my fingers as I caressed her inner tights with my other hand and my tongue flicked against her clitoris. She came not a moment after, her insides contracting against me.

Panting we both lied side by side and smiled at each other with expressions that were starting to look sleepy. She snuggled closer to me placing one hand on my waist while she brushed my hair from my face with the other.

"I love you too, _my _Natsuki…" she whispered.

"So I guess we're not having dinner tonight?"

"We can have an extra breakfast tomorrow."

"I wished I didn't have to work." I yawned.

"Goodnight, Natsuki."

"Yes, it is." I watched her fall asleep almost instantly, with a smile playing at her lips. "A very good night."


	19. Christmas Eve

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hey, people! So, the story will start moving a little faster now as we are jumping a few months ahead. Oh, pardon me if there are any mistakes I didn't really have time to reread this. XD

_**Chapter XVIII: Christmas Eve**_

After that night, our relationship developed to one in which we were together always when our jobs allowed us, which was not as often as we'd like but that didn't mean we weren't happy, no, we were more than happy… Shizuru slept every night and I concentrated a lot more on my work. We wanted it to last forever but does anything at all last for so long?

It was two weeks before Christmas that I received a letter from my parents inviting me to spend the holiday with them. I showed the paper to Shizuru wondering what I should do since I had already promised her we would spend Christmas together.

"Ara, ara…" she turned to look at me as I stood behind the armchair she was sitting in. "It seems they want to steal my Natsuki from me."

"You know I'd rather stay here with you but what would I tell them?"

"Just go, Natsuki-chan. I'm used to spending holidays alone, besides you'll be back for New Year's, won't you?" she knew I couldn't resist her, not when she said things such as being alone.

"Oh, no, Shizuru! I promised you and I am not breaking that promise!"

"So?" she was still staring at me, now with hopeful eyes, and I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"You're coming with me." A few seconds passed during which I could only wonder if that had really been a good idea. Shizuru stared at me not really sure she had heard right. "You're coming with me." I repeated to reassure us both. If only I had known what was going to happen I would've immediately corrected myself.

"Natsuki, I'm glad your intentions are serious." She caressed my hand teasingly. "But will your family approve?"

"I don't care about that, Shizuru." I pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear and smiled. I had never thought that someone else's happiness could mean my own. I wanted to give her the world if that would make her happier, but wanting sometimes just wasn't enough and as much as I wanted not to care, deep down I cared more than I thought.

My parents, my mother in particular, were more than excited when I arrived with a 'friend', after all I had always been lonely and that had always worried them, so they did not only allow Shizuru to stay but they also treated her as their own child, which somehow heightened our hopes that they might react well to the news.

"I am so glad you came with Natsuki." My mother took her seat on the table as we prepared to eat our supper. "When she told me she was moving in with someone else, I was so worried. She never had many friends when she was at school so I wasn't sure she knew how to behave."

"Mom, I'm twenty five already." Sometimes mothers just need to think that we can't do anything without them; they have to feel like we still need them as badly as we did when we were kids… The only problem is when these 'sometimes' are in front of other people.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Kuga." I could see how hard Shizuru tried not to laugh at my annoyance. "Natsuki's been behaving very well."

"I'm so relived to hear it from you, dear."

"Honey," my father cleared his throat, being the only man in the room he must've felt extremely out of place. "I think we should make our prayers and start eating, after all tomorrow's Christmas."

"That's right." Mother handed him the knife. "You children should go to bed early or Santa won't come."

"Mom, please…" I couldn't believe how annoying she was being or maybe it was only me who, after so long away, was not used to her sense of humor anymore. Shizuru though was in a lighter mood and chuckling at every joke of my mom or was it at my discomfort?

"You're in such a bad mood, Natsuki…" my mom protested as she filled her plate with baked potatoes. "It's Christmas Eve!"

"Oh, leave them alone." My father filled our plates one by one and I realized then how similar we both were in our serious yet gentle ways.

"Fine." She glared at him for a second before the usual smile returned to her face and she clapped her hands. "Prayers, girls."

The food was as great as home made food usually is and my parents even allowed us to drink some wine, after we insisted that we were more than old enough, before we went back to my bedroom where we were sleeping.

"Well, that was something." I sighed, pulling my shoes off and throwing them at the nearest corner. Shizuru watched me, leaning back against the door, with a smile on her lips.

"Your parents are great, Natsuki-chan. You're just too worried about them discovering us." She approached as I flopped into my bed and crawled over me. "And I had a good night." She added as an after thought, her breath was warm against my skin and I pulled her down so that I could taste the alcohol on her.

"Now that's what I'd call a good Christmas supper." I smiled about to pull her for another kiss when we heard a knock on the door.

"Everybody descent?" it was my mother and I quickly jumped out of the bed, my heart hammering in my chest. "May I come in?"

"Yes, mom." Shizuru hid her face on the nearest pillow, laughing madly while I worried about my burning cheeks and what my mother would think about them.

"You two should be in bed already." She closed the door and turned to me freezing immediately. A thousand excuses crossed my mind, all the possible ways of denying what I was sure she was thinking. "I knew your father shouldn't have allowed you to drink." That was all she said.

"It's just too hot in here." The burning only increased and I wanted to curse.

"So, Natsuki," she ignored my comment completely. "I made up that 'bed' on the floor, it's very comfortable but I still think you should let Shizuru sleep in your bed. She's our guest after all."

"I was already doing that, mom." I rolled my eyes. "Or didn't you notice she's sitting on the bed?"

"Well, then, goodnight, girls." She ignored me yet again and smiled before leaving.

"Honestly…" I growled sitting on my improvised bed.

"Do you think I can fit there?"

"But we are sleeping already? I thought we were, well…" why was I always blushing? Shizuru loved teasing… it was as simple as that. "You know what I mean!"

"I do." She chuckled getting down to sit beside me. "But if we don't go to bed Santa won't come, remember?"

"Come on, Shizuru. You can't be serious!"

"What if I am?" her breath tickled my ear.

"Well, you could be Santa, couldn't you? No one has ever seen him."

"That _is _true, isn't it?" wine colored eyes sparkled with lust. "What would you like Santa to do?"

"Present me with something." I whispered against her lips.

"Always." And as our lips met I could forget, at least until the next morning, the upcoming talk with my parents about our real relationship.


	20. Panic

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Morning, people. I still can't believe I managed to write this… XD I had an awful time this week and I'm not a hundred percent yet. Not sickness just emotional problems… Too much happening I guess. But here's chapter 19 and it turned out quite different from what even _I _expected. A friend of mine has freaked out just like that and I guess that's what gave me the idea… Have a nice reading!

**Chapter XIX**_**: Panic**_

I woke up to a sunny Christmas morning, the snow reflected the yellow rays giving everything outside a sacred glow, but even that wasn't as beautiful as Shizuru's soft white skin and blonde hair, to me, at that moment, if she wasn't Santa Claus then she was an angel, my own sweet angel.

The old clock chimed nine and I decided to get dressed and go after my mother before she came after us, I was feeling renewed courage but I wasn't sure I shouldn't wait until the next day when Christmas would be, technically, over to tell them. I didn't wanna ruin anyone's holiday but I didn't wanna waste my courage either.

"Good morning, Natsuki." My mother looked up at me from her spot on the sofa. My father, who was sitting right next to her, regarded me with a smile. "Is Shizuru up yet? I'll get breakfast ready." I watched absent mindedly as she walked into the kitchen, that had been one wasted opportunity.

"Won't you tell me?" my father's voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"What?"

"Won't you tell me?" he repeated and I stared at him in confusion until he completed. "What has been troubling you."

"Troubling me?" I tried to gain some time, I had forgotten how well he could read me. "Nothing's troubling me, Dad." A nervous smile. "What makes you think that?" his mouth opened but, before he could say anything, Shizuru appeared at the door with that smile of hers.

"Good morning, Mr. Kuga!"

"Good morning, Ms. Fujino."

"Oh, well…" I couldn't help the relieved smile that crept to my face, I seized my girlfriend's arm and pulled her towards the kitchen. "Now that you are up I think we should help mom with breakfast."

She eyed me suspiciously yet humorously all through out our meal, my father seemed concerned, only mother remained oblivious as she discoursed about the religious meanings of holidays.

"And that's why it's essential that we stick to the commandments. We are all sinners of course. _If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves. _But we have to try and be a little less everyday." She'd said that with a smile but the real meaning of those words made my blood cold. Sinners… We were sinners Shizuru and I and though we knew it we didn't do anything to stop it. We were sinners. Eternal sinners.

I stood up, realization striking me suddenly. I could see they were talking to me, asking what was wrong, I could see the sudden concern in those wine colored eyes and I fled, without knowing, my legs moved, they carried me away but that didn't work, I could still hear my mother's voice echoing inside my head.

Sinners…

My legs took me as far as they managed and when they finally collapsed under me I was by a big frozen lake, but the worst thing was that, on the other side of that lake I could see a church, a big one, with its doors open nonetheless as if it was going to swallow me for what I had done. My sin…

Clutching at my chest I forced myself to calm down and stand up, I felt more tired than I had in years and spotting a bench nearby I convinced myself to at least walk there before I collapsed again.

Why had I panicked like that? What did that mean? I had never been religious but then, suddenly, it felt as if the giant hand of God had descended upon me and started strangling me. I knew immediately that something huge had happened and was also about to. If only I had known how much I would still sacrifice because of that brainless feeling…

It wasn't long before they found me, I was still sitting on the same bench, freezing without the coat I had not stopped to grab in my hurry out of the house.

"My God, Natsuki! What were you thinking running away like that?" my mother was standing in front of me, blocking my view of the lake. "And without your coat too!"

"Let's go back." My father interrupted her dropping my coat on my shoulders.

"But don't you think, dear, that…" she started but he silenced her with a raised hand and, linking his arm through hers started back home. I only watched for sometime, unsure if I should follow or not.

"Natsuki…" Shizuru's voice called me back to the present, I hadn't noticed her there and the concern that shone in her eyes made me feel guilty. "Are you okay?"

"Shizuru, I…" but I couldn't finish, I had never imagined that one day I'd feel bad for what we were doing, for the kind of relationship we had. "I'm sorry, I… I just had to run away for a while, I guess."

"Then we can go back now, can't we?" she forced a smile to her face, she wanted to go back to the way we were that same morning, a couple hours before, I wanted it too, but deep down we both knew something had changed.

"Yes, I think we can." I stood up and with her a few feet behind me I walked back to the house.

The rest of the time we spent there, until we left the next morning, was awkward enough. Mother seemed upset with both me, for running away, and father, for rebuking her instead of supporting, so the only person she talked to was Shizuru who didn't seem eager to talk but disguised very well. We were all too lost in our own thoughts.

During the flight back home, while we sat side by side, the conversation we had to have seemed unavoidable. I looked through the window at the white clouds under us, I was sure it was raining in the city below.

"Natsuki, are you going to tell me what's on your mind?" she wasn't looking at me but at her hands. "Was it something I did?"

"You didn't do anything."

"Didn't I?" her eyes met mine, she sounded a little incredulous. "But you are breaking up with me, aren't you?"

"No! I…" it surprised me that she knew but of course she would've noticed something was off. "I'm sorry, Shizuru."

"It's okay." Her voice sounded restrained, she forced it to sound as if it really was okay, but only now, as I'm reliving it, I realize that. At the time I could only feel relieved, relieved that there would be no tears because if there were no tears I could pretend there was no pain either.

"I just think we have committed a terrible mistake."

"Yes, a terrible mistake." I was happy she agreed with me but now I realize she did nothing of the kind, she was only repeating what I said because if she allowed herself to think about what was happening she would break down completely.

"I hope we can continue being friends." That phrase was not only cliché but also so extremely heartless that if I were Shizuru right then I would've slapped me.

"Friends." She paused to consider it. "Of course."

"Thanks, Shizuru. I knew you'd understand." I had never known anything of the kind, the truth was that I had thought she would either cry or get mad.

She waved me away and turned to the opposite side, for the rest of the flight she slept, or at least pretended to, I couldn't know for sure. I continued looking through the window trying not to think about what I knew was in her mind and heart.


	21. Her Misery

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hello, people! I know you loved the last chapter (LOL) but things will still get a little worse as I've already told many of you. The twist is just starting… Poor Shizuru. But trust me and I'll make things better! ;) Have a nice reading!

_**Chapter XX: Her Misery**_

One day, that was how long Shizuru stayed home after we got back from my parent's house, I supposed she had traveled because she didn't come back for two weeks, during which I seemed to grow unbelievably closer to my friend, Takeda. We went out together almost every night and, by the end of the first week, I received a proposal I had never even dreamed of receiving…

"Takeda, I…" he looked so hopeful sitting there as we celebrated the New Year. I had no idea what to say. "Well, this was quite… unexpected."

"You can think about it for as long as you need, of course." He was so red he could have started burning on his own.

"I think I'll need at least a week because this really caught me off guard."

"I know… I just… I have always…" I had to control myself not to laugh at him, not that I was mean or anything, but because he looked like child. We should've been too old for that innocent and inexperienced kind of love. "Loved you. Since high school."

"Really? For so long?" at least I understood why Shizuru liked to make other people blush, though I was having a lot more fun with that then I should. It may have been that small amount of fun which drove me to commit the mistake I did one week later. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do and I was too excited to consider anyone else's feelings so I messed it up all over again.

I got home late that day and found her sitting comfortably in her favorite armchair, she had a book in her hands and a tired look but still, when I entered, she lifted her wine colored eyes to mine and forced a smile to her lips.

"Hello, Natsuki."

"Shizuru! I'm glad you're back home."

"Does that mean you missed me?" she was teasing again, and I felt relieved she was back to her normal self but that also meant, in the state of mind that I was in then, that I could tell her the great news. I would still discover how heartless I could be before it was too late.

"Of course I missed you!" I jumped on the sofa across from her. "And I have something to tell you."

"You do?" she shifted on her sit obviously interested.

"Yeah! I'm engaged!"

"Engaged?" by the smile she gave me I knew she wasn't sure whether she should believe me or not.

"An old friend and co-worker." A new light shone in her eyes then as she sprung to her feet.

"Then that was why? How long have you been with him?" I had never heard so much rage in her voice.

"Shizuru, calm down." I let out a nervous sort of laugh. "He confessed his feelings to me only a week ago."

"And for how long have you reciprocated?" her tone was still enraged and I knew she was too determined to let the matter drop.

"Reciprocated? I never said I reciprocated!" that was one of my many following mistakes… I did not love him and I never would, even though, back then, I believed otherwise.

"But you're _engaged _to him!"

"Yes, and so what? One doesn't need to be in love to get married."

"You're only making up excuses and running away from the truth." With her tone back to normal, despite the unusual coldness, she approached me.

"What truth?"

"You belong to me, Natsuki, and you know it!" now I could see something akin to madness in her eyes, and I braced myself for whatever she would do next. "Have you even taken a second to think about what marriage means?"

"I know what marriage means."

"Maybe you do but that doesn't change the fact that you're committing a terrible mistake." God, if only I had heard her. "_Another _terrible mistake." She completed, I had no idea how much our talk on the plane tormented her.

"That's enough!" I was back on my feet and running, or almost, towards the door. "If you insist on giving your opinion about _my _life I think I'd rather leave."

"Natsuki," turning back for a second I could see she had tears in her eyes. "I may not be what you want for your life but he certainly isn't either."

I stared at her one moment longer, I wanted to run back to her, take her in my arms and kiss her senseless only so that she'd stop crying. I didn't want to see her like that for I knew it was my entire fault. How could I have expected it all to have no pain? No tears? My selfishness, my need to run from 'the truth' were making me unaware not only of other's feelings but my own.

That night, as I laid sleepless on my bed, I planned my life from that moment on, it seemed the perfect plan and only now I realized what it was lacking… Love. It was all too damn logical. I would marry Takeda, work my way to the top of the company, have one or two children and retire with plenty of money to live comfortably for the rest of my days. What I would later learn was that my future husband's plans were incredibly different…

"Natsuki?" I heard a knock on my door, it was almost morning already.

"Come in." my heart started beating faster at the sound of her voice but I sat up and waited for her to enter.

"I need to apologize for what happened yesterday."

"So do I." we exchanged friendly yet uncomfortable smiles. "I shouldn't have broken the news like that."

"No, it's okay." She sat on the edge of my bed. "I shouldn't have said such horrible things."

"Shizuru, I…" her hand was resting beside me on the mattress and I took it in my own. "I'm sorry."

She stared at our hands as if she couldn't understand that gesture; there was so much pain in her eyes, so much sadness and regret. For a second I thought she would cry again but all she did was pull her hand back and stand, turning around to face me.

"So, if you need anything for the wedding…"

"Oh! That remind me…" I smiled up at her. "I'd like you to be my maid of honor if that's okay."

"I… Well…" she looked stunned. "I don't think I can, Natsuki. Not that. Not when I…" a deep and tired sigh. "I just can't."

"I think I understand." Staring at my hands I still completed. "But if you change your mind…"

"Right." She interrupted me, and I knew I shouldn't count on it. "I have to go now."

"Yeah, I'll see you later."

A sad smile was the last thing I saw of her for the next four or five days, I knew she was avoiding me at all costs but I couldn't really blame her. Now, in retrospect, even Mary seemed to be acting differently around me, of course she'd never admit it but she cared a lot about Shizuru and knowing that I was the reason she was sad… Even _I _hated me for that, the difference being that I could make my friend happy once again and even so I turned into yet another spectator of her misery.


	22. Collapsing

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hi, everybody! I had some problems answering the reviews this week… This site hates me. And so do you, I think, at least right now. XD I just wanted you to see things from Natsuki's point of view, she really can't see how badly she's hurting Shizuru. And hurting is a part of loving or so I believe, as sad as it is. Anyways, now the story goes back to a 'normal' speed. This chapter takes place after Natsuki's wedding. Yeah, she does get married. I apologize for anything, but I'll keep writing because, believe it or not, there are still some people who like this. T.T

**Chapter XXI**_**: Collapsing**_

The day of my wedding was memorable to many people but not for me. For me it all passed in a blur, I kept trying to reassure myself that that was the right thing to do, as I had been doing since the moment I accepted the proposal. Sometimes I still wonder what I thought I was doing. Did I think that getting married would change the way I felt about Shizuru? I certainly was fighting against my feelings. I didn't want to be a sinner. I didn't want to disappoint my parents, myself and the ones who cared about me, except for Shizuru but I couldn't see then that she was more important than everybody else. I couldn't see anything but my sin, my guilt.

Thankfully, or not, it didn't take more than a couple months for me to realize just how impulsive and stupid I had been. It all happened one early morning as I took a wakening shower, Takeda came into the bathroom with my cell phone in his hand and a worried expression. He waited for me to turn off the shower before speaking.

"Fujino's governess. She sounds pretty scared."

"Oh, my…" my heart leapt in my chest as horrible images of a dead Shizuru invaded my mind. It was my fault. I had killed her. With a shaking hand I ripped the phone from him and pressed it against my ear. "Mary?"

"Mrs. Kuga? Oh, for God's sake, you have to come here this minute! She looks horrible! Horrible! Oh, God! You have to come."

"But, Mary, what happened? Did you call the doctor?" I had to make quite an effort not to run, naked as I was, to my motorbike and ride there at full speed.

"She would be mad at me if I did."

"Fuck, Mary, that's no logical reason!" I could see Takeda's eyes widen at the way I spoke to the older woman but adrenaline didn't allow me to care about such trivialities. "Call the doctor _now_. I'm on my way!"

Running back to the bedroom, I ignored my working clothes and instead put on my riding outfit. It had been too long since I had last used my motorbike, Takeda and I always went to work together in his car, but as I already expected the leather sit felt natural under me. I would have enjoyed that ride greatly if it weren't for the circumstances.

Mary opened the door with an anxious face I would have never thought her capable of, but I should've known better, after all Shizuru was a kind of second daughter to her. She practically pushed me towards the living room where my friend was still lying unconscious on the floor, the old governess not being strong enough to move her.

"Did you call the doctor?" I asked as I lifted Shizuru and placed her on the sofa, checking her pulse.

"He said he'd come as soon as possible."

"Thank, God…" letting out a relieved breath I checked her pulse a second time just to reassure myself and then I finally looked at her. It was as if I was seeing her for the first time. The bags under her eyes had grown darker, her hair didn't shine as it used to, her skin was so pale and she was so thin… She looked like a corpse. "It's my fault…" I whispered and my eyes were suddenly filled with tears.

"Are you alright?" Mary asked obviously surprised. I waved her away, if I opened my mouth I knew only sobs would come out, after all _I _should be the one lying there. I deserved it, she didn't. But life was rarely fair, and the demons that had separated us were still playing their tricks. I had refused to be a sinner, and they had found a way of turning me into an even worse one.

When the doctor left, it was almost lunch time, and Mary insisted that we should eat something despite the stressful situation. It was the first time we ate together, but no words were exchanged. I wondered if she was mad at me for everything that I had done, I probably wanted her to be.

Shizuru had, according to the doctor, collapsed out of lack of sleep and malnutrition and wouldn't wake up anytime soon so I decided to say goodbye and head home. I entered her bedroom, she was still lying exactly as the doctor and I had placed her, she looked so peaceful yet so lonely, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to leave before she woke up. I couldn't allow her to wake up alone again.

I called Takeda asking for a few things I'd need and warned Mary that I would be sleeping in my old bedroom. She looked grateful and told me she'd cook me something for dinner before she left for the day. I couldn't help but smile at her when there was no mumbling of any kind.

The biggest part of my night I spent reading some of my friend's law books, the other part I spent thinking, relieving my life until that moment, and I realized I wanted to forget it all, I didn't want that to be _my _past. If only I could go back and change everything, but I couldn't, and that thought was what led me to do something I had never done before… fuddle myself to oblivion.

After an endless number of mistakes though, I finally learned something. Drinking grants you only temporary relief, and when everything comes back it's even worse, you feel guilty for having resorted to drinking and do not forget the monster they call hangover.

"You deserve this, Natsuki." I told myself shielding my aching eyes from the first rays of the sun coming through the window. "You have to pay for what you've done."

My head protested every time I moved, but I knew I couldn't stay long in bed, I had to be there when Shizuru woke up, that was how I would start making up for my mistakes. I was an eternal sinner, there was no way I'd go to heaven after what I had done, so I decided from that moment on I was going to do what _I _judged right.

Sick as I was, I have no idea how I managed to reach the toilet before my undigested dinner came back from where it once had entered, but after washing my face and taking a pain killer, I felt well enough to head downstairs and warn Mary I wouldn't be having breakfast.

"I figured as much." She said, eying me suspiciously. "When I saw the empty bottle."

Too ashamed to make up a descent reply, I grabbed a couple books in the living room and headed to Shizuru's bedroom where I intended to sit and read until she woke up, but I hadn't been there for more than half and hour when my heavy eyelids started fighting against my will to remain awake. It was a lost battle.

_I was kneeling by the edge of an abyss, the strong wind blowing my hair against my face. Under me, holding as strongly as they could, were Shizuru and Takeda, and I knew I couldn't save them both._

"_Hang on!" I shouted over the howling wind. "I'll call for help."_

"_There is no time, Natsuki." My friend said, surprisingly, with a calm voice._

"_You can't save us both." This time it was Takeda who spoke, his voice just as composed._

"_Yes, I can!" I paced, looking around for help as I clutched at my hair._

"_Natsuki… We're falling…"_

"_No!" my scream echoed around me as I ran back to the edge, but when I reached towards them it was already too late. I had lost them to the nothingness bellow. I had lost them both._

Breathing hard, I opened my eyes, I was no longer on the chair but on the floor and, despite the aching in my head, I shot up to check if Shizuru was still there. She was. I let out a deep breath, that dream was supposed to mean something… But what exactly? Dreams always had to be carefully interpreted to be understood, and I hated that.

"At least I'll have something to think about while I wait for you to wake up, right?" she didn't answer me but I smiled nonetheless.


	23. A Big Mistake

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Well, it seems I'm still writing this… Truth be told I can't wait to be done with it. *tired sigh* But my classes will be over this week and so I intend to make that wish come true. XP Now, about this week's chapter… Since there were a lot of people saying: "Oh, no! Don't tell me Shizuru will receive her with open arms after everything!". I managed to write a little something, but just a little something because I don't think Shizuru would be anything other than happy with Natsuki's return, _even _after everything… I imagine Shizuru would be like: "I told ya' you belong to me!". XD To the story now!

**Chapter XXII**_**: A Big Mistake**_

"I thought I'd never see you again." She said as she forced her wine colored eyes open. I had quickly sat down beside her the moment she started to stir. "Go home, Natsuki." She closed her eyes again. "Go home to your husband."

For a few seconds I stared in shock, I could sense she was fighting herself, she wanted me to stay but at the same time she knew I couldn't stay forever. I had expected that reaction somewhere inside me but still, though I knew I deserved her love no longer, I had hoped my presence would bring a smile to her lips.

"If that's what you want…" I stood up with a heavy heart. "But don't expect me to stop checking on you. I won't allow you to slowly kill yourself like that!"

"I don't need your help." Shizuru sat up, but did not look at me, instead she focused on her hands. "Why would you do this now?"

"What? I've always cared for you."

"Have you? Really?" her skepticism didn't catch me off guard. How could I believe my own words after all? "I know _I cared_ for you."

"You did." I couldn't look at her then, so I stared at my feet.

"I cared more than anyone!" the angst, the despair… They felt like knives slicing at my throat. "I loved you!"

"I know."

"I never inquired why you left me, and you never listened when I tried to knock some sense into you."

"I know." Was there any thing else I could say? I thought she'd be crying when I finally looked up at her, but there were no tears, only pain and regret. "I know and I'm sorry." My head fell again, this time trying to hide the tears. I had never been one to cry easily but that woman always awoke a torrent of feelings within me. "I'm sorry, Shizuru. I'm so sorry."

"Just leave, Natsuki. I'm sure you have postponed your duties long enough."

"Right." I turned to leave but her voice stopped me as I grabbed the knob.

"Do you think we could have lunch tomorrow?"

"Of course!" there was only one word to describe what I felt, euphoria. She had accepted my apology.

"I'll be waiting." I never turned to see if she had been smiling, but I knew she had, and that was all I needed.

We met at the usual restaurant the following day, and I was relieved that everything seemed to be as it always had. Shizuru told me about her latest cases and how hard they were being, especially one concerning an important and influent family.

"They have a lot of money and they think that's enough to assure our victory." She took a sip of her wine. "But things don't really work that way."

"Maybe they do, for some people."

"Certainly not for me." She chuckled before reaching for the rice at the same time I did, our hands blushed and I pulled away blushing. The guilt in my heart seemed to blossom every time I thought of what could have been.

"I'm sorry."

"It's nothing." Her smile reassured me, though I was sure she was smiling at my embarrassment too. "So what have _you _been doing?"

"The usual. Working towards my 'soon-to-come' promotion."

"And how's married life?" I choked on my wine, so casual her tone was. I didn't know then, but she had practiced, because she knew the day would come she'd have to ask me that.

"Well…" I tried to buy myself some time. "We haven't had any fights yet." Though that may have been because we didn't talk much, about the important things that is, but I digress.

"Good. I hope that's a sign that I was wrong, and you _did _make the right choice." There was a hint of sarcasm that I chose to ignore, but, of course, she hoped for no such thing.

"You should find yourself someone nice too, Shizuru."

"You think so?" she looked thoughtful. "Maybe I should call Elizabeth and apologize for dumping her the other time…"

"Elizabeth?" I cleared my throat. I would never be able to like her and, so Shizuru was obviously testing me. "You never told me what happened that day, when you went out on a date…"

"I told her I already loved someone else. She insisted that I should give her a chance but I didn't think it would have been right, when I was thinking of a different person."

"I admire you, Shizuru." I said honestly. "I really do."

"Thank you." Was all she could say, the surprise too clear on her face. "Now let's make a toast to your future promotion."

"And the cases you're sure to win." We exchanged friendly smiles. Those were our promises, and the feelings we surrounded them with were so true that, I believe, they were what sped up the whole process…

I was promoted a couple days later, now I was chief of research and I even had the permission to work on my own researches if I thought they could one day be profitable for the lab. I had never been more excited. I went straight from my boss' office to Takeda, who was working with a reddish solution.

"Say hello to your new boss!" I waved my new badge in front of his eyes stopping long enough for him to read it.

"Chief of research?" he read out loud. "You were… promoted?" it might have been me but he sounded bitter, envious perhaps.

"We should go out tonight to celebrate."

"Yeah…"

His depressive and slightly angry mood remained even during our dinner that night but I couldn't understand how his behavior had anything to do with my promotion. Shouldn't he have been happy for me? I managed to keep oblivious for the better part of our meal, and I was so excited with my promotion that I didn't mind doing a little monologue. Only when I thought it had become too extensive did I finally ask him what was wrong.

"'What's wrong?'" he repeated my question with a skeptic tone, as if I was obligated to know the answer.

"That's what I asked." I managed to keep my temper under check. He sighed.

"Don't you think it's time we start thinking about children?"

"Well, I think we could wait a few more years, but what has that got to do with my promotion and your bad mood?"

"If we don't start soon we won't be able to have many children."

"How many children do you expect us to have?" I had to ask but whatever his answer was I dreaded it.

"Four, maybe five or six."

"And who would take care of them?" another question I had to ask, and another answer I dreaded.

"You'll quit your job, of course."

"I'll quit…" I couldn't finish. "You've planned that very well, haven't you?" he opened his mouth to say something but I would have none of it. "Why don't _you _quit _your _job?"

"I'm sure you see why."

"I don't see anything! I wanna be the best at what I do, that's all, and only when I've achieved that will I start thinking about children."

"But even if we don't have children right now… Don't you think…"

"No, I don't." I stood up, tired and angry. "The only thing I can think of is that you're doing that because you don't like the fact that I'm your boss now. And that's horribly childish."

I didn't talk to him for the rest of the night and the following day. When had he become so annoying? How hadn't I noticed before? Perhaps I would have, if only I had taken the time to know him better _before _getting married to him… Shizuru was right. I had made a big mistake.


	24. Guilt Management

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Okay, here's another chapter, and I'm not sure there's much I need to say. Jim reappears and rather angry with Natsuki for her stupidity, but as always he helps her clarify some things or maybe realize some things. My classes are finally over so pray that I don't feel lazy and I'll update sooner. XD

**Chapter XXIII**_**: Guilt Management **_

I was taking a stroll to clear my mind, it was a beautiful morning, and my house had started to have an awkward, suffocating feeling to it since the fight I had had with Takeda. He had apologized, of course, and I had felt obliged to forgive him, but something had changed… My mistake weighed more than I thought possible, we had ruined both our lives by getting married so quickly and without a second thought. What were we? Children?

It was then, lost in my mind, that I bumped into someone I hadn't seen or talked to since before mine and Shizuru's fateful Christmas, Jim. He didn't look pleased at seeing me, and I was sure I knew why, especially considering that he and Andrew hadn't showed up at my wedding or even called me.

"Jim! It's so nice to see you!"

"Mrs. Kuga." He greeted me bitterly.

"Why are you being so formal?"

"You really want to know why?" by his tone I had managed to get him even angrier. I only wanted to let the matter drop and continue my stroll but I had promised to make up for my past mistakes before I took another big step in my life, so I nodded. "I feel I helped you get together with Shizuru only so that you could go and break her heart! I feel like I'm your accomplice! I feel like I hurt someone whom I can only be grateful to… and it's a horrible feeling."

"I'm sorry, Jim. I really am, but if you just listen…"

"So you do have an explanation."

"If you have sometime now, there's a small café across the street."

"Well, I think I could spare a few minutes."

After thirty minutes and a good coffee, I had told him everything that had happened since we had last talked, but he didn't look convinced, he was probably right. What I had done was unjustifiable.

"I now know I made a big mistake… And I'm not really sure what I should do about it, all I know is that I can't leave things the way they are."

"I feel sorry for you, Natsuki." He sighed. "You've really messed up." Taking a sip of his second cup of coffee he suddenly continued. "And the worst thing is that whatever you do someone is going to get hurt… You can't make everybody happy."

"I know." I looked through the window at the cars and people passing by, what Jim had just said reminded me of the dream I had had, I couldn't save them both, I couldn't make everybody happy.

"My time is up, but I hope you'll make the right decision this time." He stood up placing on the table enough money to pay for his part of the bill.

"May I call you?" I asked in a rush then lowered my head, embarrassed. "I mean, if I need help?"

"_You _made the mistake, Natsuki, so _you _have to fix it." Those were his last words before he walked out leaving me with my thoughts.

I didn't know what I wanted… Did I still love Shizuru? Maybe, I wasn't sure but I felt so free when I was with her, I could just be myself and that was the best feeling one could possibly have, but… Did I love Takeda? No, I never had, and after what had happened… But he was a good friend, and we had fun together. Now, the big question was… Should I try to make my marriage work out or just move on?

That afternoon, when I met with Shizuru for a cup of tea, I had all the intentions of asking her if she still felt something for me, if she would be willing to try again if I left Takeda. Her answer would determine my decision. When I looked into her eyes though, I knew I couldn't ask that, not so soon after we had restarted our friendship.

"Something on your mind?" she asked after a long minute of silence.

"No, nothing important." I smiled. I had thought about telling her of my fight with Takeda but I didn't wanna mention him. I did not even want to think about him, not when I was with her. I wanted to pretend things were back to the way they had been before, to the way they should've still been.

"You know you can tell me, right?" she smiled reassuringly.

"Shizuru, I…" realizing I was leaning over the table, my heart beating fast, I forced myself to calm down and reclaim my sit. "No, it's nothing."

She eyed me a little suspicious and also concerned, but as much as she wanted to, she didn't push the matter, instead she started to tell me about the outcome of her latest trial, the one concerning the influent family, apparently money sometimes did help in the decision. Shizuru didn't like that but she was happy with their victory nonetheless.

"They are good people." She said playing with her napkin.

"If we had a 'good people detector' decisions would be so much easier in these cases." I joked.

"In love life too." She seemed lost in thought, staring away from me, but despite the absent mindedness with which she said that, I associated it with out current situation.

"Then you think I would've been labeled a bad person?" I stared down at my plate but I could still sense her surprise as she turned back to me, and then her eyes softened.

"Natsuki-chan will never be a bad person." Her smile plus the use of 'chan' after my name made me blush lightly; it had been a while since she had last called me that.

"Really, Shizuru… You can't say that after all I've done to you, to me, to us." Frustration, anger, disappointment, that was what I felt about myself and I wanted her to feel it too. I wanted her to despise me, but she didn't feel any such things, and my guilt only grew worse.

"You did what you thought right." She was serious, as serious as if she had been working. "It wasn't your intention to hurt me."

"No, Shizuru. I didn't think when I did that. I just panicked and ran away from the things that scared me. I ran away from reality."

"What difference does it make? You still did not intend to hurt anyone."

"I was a coward."

"Maybe." She shrugged. "But we're all humans. It's instinctive to run away from that which scares you."

"How can you forgive me so easily?" I felt drained of all energy. She was a lawyer; of course I could not win an argument against her.

"That's because…" she hesitated, her mouth agape. "I have no logical reason not to." I was sure she was going to say something incredibly different at first, but I couldn't guess what.

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about." Her smile had always disarmed me and it wasn't different that time, so I smiled back before changing the subject.

The rest of our meal was delightful as we laughed over the little matters of everyday life, things that went wrong at work and angry bosses. It was hard to say goodbye, I saw myself wanting that short encounter to last forever, especially when I remembered the fake like that would be waiting for me at home.

I stared at the front door for five long minutes, I had to enter eventually and I had to confront Takeda about the ways our futures were taking, the ways our futures should take from that moment on. I took a deep breath and turned the key.

"Think like Shizuru. Be a lawyer." I whispered to myself as I turned the knob.


	25. Conversations

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Yo, minna-san! So I did manage to post a day early. The end is near after all… Finally! When I started this story I wanted it to be my best so far… I'm sure it is my best so far but still I'm not happy with it because it made a lot of people sad and angry with me. I try my best here though and all I can do is thank all those who support me again and again. I hope I won't disappoint anyone anymore. *bows respectfully* Now to the story!

**Chapter XXIV**_**: Conversations **_

"So, what is it?" Takeda asked curiously as he turned off the TV. I sighed, sitting across from him, and pushed a few strands of hair behind my ear uncomfortably, I couldn't believe I was finally going to do it, I was finally going to talk seriously with him.

"I'm sure you remember that dinner we had the day I was promoted…" I started as a sort of introduction, he only nodded. "and the things we discussed then."

"Of course, I remember."

"I'm worried, Takeda. I think we've committed a mistake. We should've discussed such things before we got married."

"But, Na…" I raised my hand, a silent request for him to let me finish.

"What I want for my future, my priorities, are completely different than yours, and I don't think that's fair to either of us." I paused, waiting for his reaction.

"And…?" he asked. "What do you propose we should do?"

"I'm not sure." I sighed yet again. "But I want you to think about it, because we have to solve this as soon as possible."

"I don't see the need to think so much about one conversation we had over one dinner." Despite the smile, I could see he was just as uncomfortable as I was.

"It was an _important _conversation over an _important _dinner." I argued. "Don't try to run from reality. I have done so and I have made mistakes."

"I'm not running! I'm simply…" he stopped shaking his head lightly. "I'll think about it, okay? I promise."

"Right." I stood up, turning to leave. He was only saying that to end our conversation but he wouldn't be able to do it a second time. The next time we talked about that it would be definite.

I was so full of frustrated energy then that I decided to take my motorbike and leave for a ride, the cold wind on my face, the lights passing by, it all made me feel like nothing existed but me, my bike and that moment, and I was enjoying myself so much that, when I realized how late it was I was too far and tired to ride all the away back. I glanced at the hotels and motels around but none seemed appealing. The nearest place I could go was Shizuru's house and, after a quick look at the clouded sky, I was on my way there.

I parked in front of the garage, a thunder could be heard every now and then as I walked to the front door and rang the doorbell, praying that she would be home, because if she wasn't I'd be very wet very soon. It didn't take long, thankfully, for me to find a surprised Shizuru staring at me, wrapped in her nightgown and with a cup of steaming hot tea in one hand.

"Natsuki, what are you doing here?" she stepped aside for me to enter.

"I'm sorry I didn't call first, forgot my cell phone at home." I gave her an embarrassed half smile. "I was riding, when I realized I was too far from home and it was too late to go back."

"Are you alright? I don't remember you being so distracted when we had tea earlier today." She locked the door before waving me towards the living room.

"Yeah… I usually am not, it's just that I had a very long day."

"You want some tea?"

"Oh, no thanks." I sat on the sofa while she took the armchair. "I was wondering if you'd let me stay the night."

"Well, it's starting to rain." She twisted her neck to look at the window behind her, and I couldn't help but notice how smooth her skin looked. I felt a pang at my heart when I realized I couldn't remember the feeling of her skin against mine. "Unless you want to take a rain shower, I'll let you stay." She winked at me.

"Thanks. I owe you one." I saw her wave my thanks away and reach for the cup she had abandoned on the coffee table. "No, I owe you a lot more than that."

"Then pay me back by making me company always when possible." Her smile was genuine but I could sense the pain hidden behind it, and I wanted to say something… Instead I smiled back sure that entering such a delicate subject would spoil the mood.

"It's getting worse…" I commented when a strong thunder shook the window.

"You made it here just on time."

"So it seems." Another thunder sounded, and all the lights went off.

"Ara, ara…"

"It seems the whole area's in the dark…" I watched her as she walked to the window, I could barely see anything but her silhouette in the dark living room. "The candles are in the kitchen, right?"

I stood up at her nod, walking into the dark hall and then into the kitchen. Opening the cabinets one by one, I squinted my eyes trying to see, but at times I had to feel with my hands to make sure of what I was seeing. After five minutes of search there were still no signs of candles or matches, but Shizuru came looking for me with a smile on her lips, she looked really amused leaning against the door frame and chuckling at me.

"What's so funny?" I asked sticking my head into one of the cabinets.

"I can't believe you still haven't found them."

"Well… Why don't you tell me where they are?"

"And spoil all the fun? I don't think so."

"Very funny." I shook my head before opening yet another cabinet and sticking my head into it. I couldn't help the smile that crept to my lips at seeing her play like that again, I loved that smile, it warmed me all over inside. "Come on, Shizuru. You can barely see my distraught face in this darkness, so what's the fun?"

"Yeah… I guess you're right." She extended her arm and opened the first drawer. "Here they are."

"That's the first drawer! I can't believe I didn't find them…" now I was really distraught.

"They were under the towels."

"So you had hidden them! That's not fair!" I could finally see her smile clearly when she lit the first candle, and then the second, which she handed to me.

"I did not hide them, I just didn't tell you they were 'hidden'."

"That makes little difference." Accepting the candle from her I started going back to the living room.

"I thought you were going to bed." I turned to see her still standing by the kitchen door.

"You want me to go? It's quite late."

"No, I…" she took a couple steps towards me. "I want you to stay with me."

"You do?" my heart was completely out of control, she was so close I was sure she was going to kiss me, and I tried to swallow despite how dry my throat was.

"But you have to work tomorrow morning, and so do I."

"Does that really matter?" I managed to ask unconsciously inching towards her, how hadn't I realized before just how much I wanted her and needed her?

"No, I don't think so, but…" it was too late, my lips were already pressed hard against hers. It didn't last long though, I could feel all her tension through the kiss.

"Shizuru…" her eyes, illuminated by the candlelight, held so many emotions I could've never guessed what she was feeling exactly. "Do you still…" I hesitated, unsure if I should ask her that, but then I realized it may be my only opportunity. "Do you still love me?"

"I…" she searched my face for something I couldn't see, an inner battle taking place. She knew her heart already had an answer, but her mind had a different perspective. "No. I don't love you."

The world had suddenly lost all color to me, my breath caught in my throat as I watched her turn away, with tears in her eyes, before bidding me goodnight and disappearing up the stairs. What had just happened? Why had she said that when she clearly didn't mean it? All I could so was stand there in shock replaying that scene on my head until my legs refused to support me any longer and forced me to go to bed. I knew that was going to be a long night.


	26. Playing By the Rules

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Ah! I'm simply in love with this chapter! That probably won't last long but, right now, I really like it. And we have the appearance, or something like it (you'll see), of another character! Guess who it is? Well, just go on and read it. ;)

**Chapter XXV**_**: Playing By the Rules**_

'_There is no time, Natuski.'_

'_You can't save us both.'_

Those were the words echoing through my head as I watched the sun rising slowly to the skies, its light bathing the bed where I had laid sleepless that entire night. I had considered so many possibilities of why Shizuru had said that, but the most reasonable one was that she thought she was doing the best for me and my marriage, and I couldn't accept it. Did she ever think about herself?

'_You can't make everybody happy.'_

Forcing myself to get up, I walked to her bedroom and knocked, knowing for sure that her night had been as sleepless as my own. It took her a few minutes to answer, and I used that time to renew my confidence though I wasn't entirely sure of what I was going to say.

"What do you want, Natsuki?" she sounded weary, and I imagined she must have bags under her eyes. I was grateful then for the door which separated us because if I had been looking at her tired face I would have just lost all control and kissed her senseless.

"Why did you lie?" before I realized what I was saying I had already asked, but I didn't want the answer so I continued. "You told me once I was running away from the truth, but now you're the one who's doing that, Shizuru. You're running away from the truth." I was impressed at how firm I managed to sound.

"Running from the truth?" the door opened suddenly, and her eyes stared at me enraged. "I am _facing _the truth. You are married now and if you left me to end up with that guy it must mean something."

"It means I was childish and stupid, but I have opened my eyes and I can see my mistakes." I took a step forward to prevent her from closing the door. "You may love me or you may not love me, but I love you and I'm not losing you again."

I could still see the way her breath caught on her throat and the blush on her cheeks before I turned around and marched past my bedroom's door, down the stairs and out of the house. My face burned when I remembered my words and how passionate they had sounded, but at that moment I had to concentrate on getting to work.

The traffic that morning was wild, thanks to the storm that had crashed a few trees which had to be removed for the cars to pass, and that took a while, but still I made it on time. Takeda was already there, waiting for me in my office with concern written on his face. I felt sorry for him.

"Natsuki!" he grabbed my arms as if to make sure I wasn't a ghost. "Where the hell where you? I was worried sick and you left your cell phone at home."

"I spent the night at Shizuru's." I walked past him towards my desk where, thankfully, I kept some spare clothes. I didn't think I could spend the whole day with the same dirty clothes I had worn the day before.

"At Shizuru's?" there was suspicion in his voice, and, as much as it angered me, I felt obliged to explain.

"I couldn't go home because of the storm."

"The storm." He repeated snorting. "Of course."

"What are you implying?" I turned back to him slamming one hand at my desk in an attempt not to lose my temper.

"You think I'm stupid, don't you? You think I don't know about you two? That you were together before you married me?"

I was taken completely off guard. Yes, I had underestimated his intelligence, and now I didn't know what to say. Denying wouldn't help matters, not when I intended to break up with him anyways. "As you said, that was before we got married."

"She is a bad influence to you, Natsuki." He stepped forward ready to comfort me when he 'revealed' to me what he wanted to be the truth. "She's manipulating you! She's nothing but a…"

He stared at me with wide incredulous eyes, grabbing his cheek where my fist had connected with his now red skin. I took deep breaths trying to control the rage burning inside me, it had all happened so fast, I couldn't think straight, no, I wasn't thinking at all.

"I never thought you could be such a jerk." My voice came out unbelievably steady once I had managed to slow my heart beat. "I'll start taking care of our divorce right way."

Those were my final words and I didn't wait for an answer before I entered in the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I looked at my reflection in the mirror surprised at how calm I was, even after my restless night and my rage outburst. For the first time after a long while I felt proud of myself.

Changing my clothed and splashing cold water on my face I felt ready to reenter my little office where, for some unknown reason, I expected to find Takeda still standing with a dumbfounded look on his face. He was not there, of course, but he'd left me a note saying that he would be taking the day off, and I couldn't blame him for it, I really couldn't, so I just sat behind my desk and grabbed the phone to call my lawyer.

"Natsuki!" she greeted me excitedly. "I can't believe it's you! It's been so long!"

"Yeah. I know." I chuckled. "How are you, Mai?"

"Oh, me? I'm great! No interesting news though… What about you?"

"A lot has happened…"

"Are you okay? I guess you didn't call me to ask how I was doing…"

"No, I didn't. This time I'm calling you as my lawyer."

"It didn't work, did it? Your precipitated marriage."

"Is it that easy to tell?" I smiled bitterly to myself, maybe if I had heard what the people around me had to say, the ones who really cared about me, this would not have been happening.

"It wasn't unexpected."

We discussed everything as fast as we could, only superficially because I had work to do, and arranged to meet the next day to talk about details. After all that my concentration wasn't half as strong as usual but I managed to do everything I had to until the time to leave. I decided then I had to talk to Shizuru again and let her know of progress.

I parked in front of the garage as I had done the night before and was received by a very annoyed Mary, whose annoyance only grew as I ran up the stairs shouting after my friend, as excited and as in a big of a hurry as I was. I found Shizuru in her bedroom getting ready to leave for a meeting with a client, but she signaled for me to sit on her bed and speak as she stared at me through the mirror.

"We're getting divorced." I couldn't think of anything better to say as the silence stretched between us.

"And?" she asked turning from my reflection to my real self with a raised eyebrow.

"And…" I wondered what she wanted me to say, but nothing brilliant came to my mind. "And I'm here."

"Yes, but you're not divorced yet." She sounded a little annoyed, as if she wasn't the one trying hard to play by the rules.

"Shizuru…" I stared, ready to argue that Takeda thought I was cheating on him anyways, but she interrupted me.

"If you really do love me, as you so elegantly put it this very morning, then you'll wait." I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, but she was right, and I sighed. "I'll be waiting for you too." Her smile was so sweet as she added that wanting to cheer me up, I couldn't help but show her one of my own.

"We'll do things right this time." I said with a nod.

"Yes, we will." The smiles in our faces grew larger, and I knew, for as long as I waited I'd treasure that smile. Her smile.


	27. Confession

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Hello, everyone! I still managed to update earlier… Am I not sugoi? XD So, about this chapter… I thought that some of you would be wondering what would happen when Natsuki faced her parents with the truth of her love for Shizuru "again" (because the first time she didn't really face them…), would she panic, run away and screw up her life as she did the first time? Read to find out and HAPPY CHRISTMAS to you all! ;)

**Chapter XXVI**_**: Confession**_

With the divorce process going on and summer starting in a few days I decided that, if we were really doing things right, there was still one mission for me to complete, and so I found myself, sitting on a plane, heading to my parents' house for a five days vacation, if that could be called such.

Looking at the clouds below, I had a strange feeling of déjà vu, even though this time my heart was filled with confidence and hope. I was going back to the place where our torment had started, I was going back to face my fears and fight for the happiness I now knew I could reach, after all it was not as if I was coming out to the whole world, right? They were only my parents and that made it all the more terrifying…

They were waiting for me at the airport, with smiles on their faces, as if it had been years since we had last seen each other when, actually, I had seen them only there months before at mom's birthday.

"Natsuki!" my mother enveloped me in a tight hug. "You look so much older and mature."

"You always say that, mom." I chuckled. "It doesn't matter if it's been years or days."

"She just doesn't have anything better to say." My father gave me a hug of his own ignoring the glare being sent his way. "You look beautiful." He added as he pulled away with a smile.

"So Masashi didn't come with you?" my mother asked looking behind me as if expecting him to be hiding there. I sighed, as much as I wanted to be done with it all, it was neither the time nor the place to break the news.

"He has work to do, mom." I told her quickly before turning towards my bag, which suddenly seemed very interesting, but not missing my father's inquisitive look.

"We should get going." Was all he said, and I sighed again only this time relieved.

"It's a pity…" my mother continued as we started walking, silence didn't last long with her around. "He's such a good boy."

"Yes, mom." I agreed though lately I had started to doubt the goodness within Takeda… I mean, of course there was some, but was it enough?

We got home about half an hour later and mom still hadn't stopped talking. My father, having got used to it, simply concentrated on the road while the task of nodding was left to me. I didn't really listen to her though, my mind insisted on providing me with the many possible sceneries of my 'confession', because that's how my mother would probably see it, as the confession of a great crime.

After arranging my things in my bedroom I paced about planning my speech, I didn't wanna wait like I had done the previous time because I didn't trust myself completely, not after I had proven myself to be so easily manipulated. I couldn't give my mother the time to say her horrible things, not before I had spoken at least.

I found them in the living room, watching the news and discussing between themselves what was being said. They smiled when they saw me, and my mother patted the space beside her on the sofa, instead I sat in the vacant armchair so that I would be facing them.

"There's something important I need to tell you." I did not use the word discuss, my divorce and my future with Shizuru were facts and would not be changed.

My father turned off the TV ignoring the concerned look my mother sent his way, as if he had all the answers despite the fact that I was the one who was speaking, to her my father was like an oracle.

"What is it, dear?" she finally turned to me with her 'everything's gonna be alright' smile already in place.

"It's about my marriage."

"Oh, do not worry about anything." My mother interrupted right away, as I knew she would. "You've only been married for three months. It's normal for you two to disagree."

"Mom…" I tried but she wouldn't stop.

"I knew there was a reason for you to come so suddenly. When you called I was already suspecting, you sounded so…"

"Would you just shut up and let her finish?" my father waved his hands exasperatedly. She was glaring at him again, but at least she was finally quiet, and I decided to go straight to the point.

"I'm getting divorced." Their eyes widened as they stared at me shocked.

"But, Natsuki, as I was just saying it's okay if you disagree once in a while, there's no need for such extreme measures to be taken…" surprisingly she stopped at he sight of my raised hand.

"That's not the reason why, mom."

"Then what is it?"

"First, I got married for all the wrong reasons, I did not even give it a second thought, and second…" I searched their faces but there was no sign of anything except for the obvious shock. "I'm in love with someone else."

"And do we know this person?" my mother sounded curious, and I knew the time had come.

"Actually yes, you do."

"And who is it? Is it that boy you dated when you were starting college? What was his name?"

"Thomas?" it was my turn to be surprised, I had taken him to my parents' house only for one weekend and that had been years ago. Well, at least if she remembered him she would be sure to remember Shizuru, though I wasn't certain I wanted her to. "No, mom, it's not Thomas." I took a deep breath. "It's Shizuru."

"Shizuru? _That _Shizuru?" she was now really shocked, and I could only nod.

A minute must have passed but it felt more like an hour to me as the silence between us grew colder and colder. It must have been the first time my mother was struck speechless, and I thought that I deserved at least that merit. My father was staring at me seriously, no emotion on his features what so ever, until he closed his eyes and heaved a deep long sigh.

"Does she reciprocate?" he finally broke the silence, his eyes now open. He did not even acknowledge the incredulity in my mother's eyes as she turned to him still speechless.

"Yes, she does."

"No, she does not!" my mother immediately interfered. "You can't leave your husband to be with another woman!"

"I can and I will, mom. I left her once to try and marry Takeda because I thought that would make everybody happy but it didn't make _me _happy." I was feeling frustrated now and I didn't think I could stand that any longer so I stood and turned to leave for my bedroom.

"If you're gonna stay with that woman," I heard her say. "you'll be out of this house tomorrow."

I continued walking until I was safe inside my bedroom with the door locked behind me, only then I allowed myself to feel the pain her harsh words caused. I leaned against the door and hid my face in my hands. I was going to survive this… I had to survive this so that I could be with Shizuru again.


	28. Under Candlelight

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **So, how was everybody's Christmas? We're getting to the end of the story and there's not much more to be said or written so this turned out a little shorter than usual. Forgive me for that, and I hope you'll enjoy the fluff. I was in no mood to write a sex scene. Actually it's been so long since I have last had sex that I'm not sure I remember how it's done. XD But if you want another sex scene before the end just let me know and I'll try best. ;)

**Chapter XXVII**_**: Under Candlelight**_

"So this is it?" Takeda asked as I placed the last bag in the taxi.

"Yeah." I turned back to him as he stood in the doorway. "Thanks for everything."

"It's okay." He shook his head lightly. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

"It'll be better this way."

"Yes, it will." I agreed and we exchanged friendly smiles. "I'll see you at work?"

"Of course! I can't afford to lose my job yet."

"Right." Chuckling I entered the taxi. I had already been living with Shizuru since the divorce process had started but now it was for real, now we could be together, and that thought made me anxious, even nervous. It had been so long since the last time…

Mary was waiting for me with dinner ready, she told me Shizuru had called and said she'd be arriving shortly so I could start eating without her, but I was not hungry at all, thanks to the adrenaline rush I seemed to be having. I went to my bedroom instead and searched for something else to wear, something more attractive… It was then that I had the idea.

After changing my clothes, I searched for Mary and sent her home, not without receiving her annoyed look and listening to her mumble. Then I placed I few candles, which I now knew where were thanks to Shizuru, all over the dining room, admiring my master piece before starting to slowly heat up the food.

She arrived fifteen minutes later. When I saw the car approaching the house, I quickly lit all the candles and dashed into the kitchen and back bringing the dishes to the table one by one. I had just left the last plate with the others when she walked in and stopped, gapping, her eyes scanning the everything.

"Natsuki…" she whispered, her gaze finally landing on mine. "This is…"

"I'm officially divorced now." I smiled brightly and pulled a chair for her.

"You are?" her own smile appeared. "Then I guess we should go upstairs before we have dinner…"

"But the food will get cold!" I complained ignoring the heat on my face.

"Oh… That's true." She agreed sitting on the chair I had pulled for her. "And Natsuki worked so hard to get everything ready…"

"Yeah, well…" I walked to the other side of the table and took my seat opposite hers.

"So you got the rest of your stuff?" she asked as she filled her plate with baked potatoes.

"I did."

"Did he say anything?"

"Takeda? No, nothing important."

"Andrew and Jim came here today."

"They did?" she nodded, and I stared disappointed at my plate. "I wished I had been here."

"They invited us over for lunch on Saturday." She smiled. "They want us to meet Molly and Sarah."

"Andrew's daughters?"

"Hum." There was silence for a few moments then as we chewed. "Do you want to go?"

"Of course! It's been sometime since I last saw any of them." I smiled to myself, that invitation meant they had forgiven me, and I couldn't ask for anything better… Maybe the acceptance of my parents but that would be asking for too much.

"I'm glad you made friends with them." Shizuru smiled sweetly.

"So am I." I returned her smile. "I owe a lot to Jim."

"I guess I probably do too." Her hand suddenly found mine on the table and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry, Shizuru." I lowered my gaze to our joined hands, illuminated only by the candles they had taken an yellowish color. "For everything."

"You'll blame yourself forever, won't you? Even if I tell you to forget about the past."

"I guess so." My eyes met hers, those wine colored orbs were peaceful and deep within I could see happiness too.

"It's okay, I think." She finally said. "This way I can be sure you won't do it again."

"I would never." I said quickly, sounding even more serious than I intended.

"I know, or I wouldn't be here now, and you would probably still be married with Takeda."

"I'm not so sure I would." I honestly told her. "Our plans for the future were completely different… He wanted a housewife and a big family, while I wanted to concentrate on my career first and later have one child, two at most." Shaking my head I reached for my glass.

"And have you asked me what _my _plans are?" she had a mischievous glint in her eyes despite the seriousness with which she said that.

"What are you plans then, Shizuru?"

"Oh, I don't plan too far ahead." She waved one hand, looking away and I raised an eyebrow. What did she have in mind? She turned back to me with a smile. "Right now, my plan is to drag you to my bedroom and do unspeakable things to you…"

"Sh-Shizuru!" I protested as I felt my cheeks burning and stood up to put away the dishes under her playful gaze. She followed me into the dark kitchen, wrapping her arms around me as I placed the dishes in the sink.

"Dance with me." She whispered in my ear before turning me around in her arms. I could feel my insides twitching in excitement.

"But there's no music!"

"Does that matter?" there were tears in her eyes so I only nodded, and we started swinging slowly as I waited for her to speak. "I love you so much it hurts sometimes."

"I love you too." I pulled away just enough to see her face and wipe the tears away with a smile. "I've missed you."

Our lips finally met, shyly at first then slowly they parted, and our tongues met, the taste of her and her salty tears mixing with my own. I had forgotten how silky the feeling of her blonde hair was between my fingers. When we parted we resumed dancing without a word. Deep inside I knew our hearts must have been playing the same song.


	29. Love

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Happy New Year! Can you believe it? It's 2010! And I still remember when we were celebrating 2000, the beginning of a new century… Wow, I'm getting old. :P So, next chapter will be the epilogue that's why this one is extra long. Happy? Wait 'till you read the love scene. That's certainly one of my best. And I'm totally in love with Shizuru. Who isn't? XD Have a nice reading!

**Chapter XXVIII**_**: Love**_

Mary was nowhere to be seen, we were so happy we gave her a few days off, or so we told ourselves. It was our engagement party and we had invited friends and family to a barbecue.

Jim was trying to get a fire started in our grill and often shouting at the nearest person, who always happened to be Andrew, to bring him whatever he needed. Sarah and Molly, their children, were running around the garden picking flowers for Shizuru who had told them, with a serious face, that a vase of flowers was essential to decorate the table of a good party. Mai, who had, to my surprise, arrived with a black haired young woman called Mikoto, was laughing at something Shizuru's friend Haruka and her girlfriend Yukino were telling her, even the 'pit bull' didn't look out of place with a glass of whiskey in one hand and his cell phone in the other.

"Natsuki!" Mai waved for me to join them. "Jimmy finally managed to create a few sparks there."

"Sparks?!" Jim turned to her indignant. "This fire could burn down a forest in a matter of seconds!"

"Of course…" Andrew smiled shaking his head lightly.

"So you don't believe me either. Come here, Andrew, and I'll show you the fire!"

"Find a motel!" Haruka shouted and all the girls burst in laughter. My eyes met Shizuru's, and I could feel my smile widening, it was just so good to see her happy. She winked at me and I knew that at least one person there was considering Haruka's idea.

"Shizuru! Shizuru!" the two little girls came running towards her, their arms filled with wild flowers. "We got them!"

"I can see that." Shizuru smiled patting their heads before pulling them with her towards the house. "Let's find a vase."

"You're lucky. She'll do a great mother one day." I turned to see the 'pit bull' with his massive paw on my shoulder and immediately froze. Would I ever get used to that? I certainly hoped so.

I heard the doorbell then and thankfully excused myself. Maybe I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to answer had I known who was behind the door I was going to open.

"Dad?" I found my mind blank, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I hadn't even heard from either him nor mom during almost an year and so, thought I had sent the invitation, it had never crossed my mind that they could come or even one of them.

"I'm sorry, I'm late. This place was hard for the taxi driver to find." He apologized as he placed his luggage inside.

"Do you have a place to stay? Because we're kinda full, but we could fit you."

"Don't worry about me."

"But why did you…? I thought…"

"You're my only daughter, Natsuki." He held my face between his hands and smiled. "It doesn't matter what your mother _thinks_ is right. We know there is no wrong or right when it comes to love, and we love you." He let go of me and sighed, it was rare for him to speak so much, considering that my mother usually did all the talking. "She will realize it sooner or later."

"You really think so?" I could feel the tears coming to my eyes.

"I'll take her to the wedding." He promised wiping away one of the tears that escaped me. "Let's go, I have to congratulate Shizuru too."

With my father's arm around my shoulder and a real smile on my lips I started walking to the backyard. "I'm glad you came." I told him. "It was the best present I could've ever asked for."

"It's nothing." He said simply but I could hear the emotion in his voice. "You know, your father experimented too when he was younger…" I turned to him wide eyed, and when he opened his mouth to continue I cut in.

"Dad, don't. I rather not know."

He chuckled lightly trying to hide his blush as I opened the door and we walked out of the house. Nobody seemed to notice us, all being too distracted, so I gestured for my father to wait right there and walked towards Shizuru, who was looking over Jim's shoulder at the food being grilled, they seemed to be discussing whether it was ready to be served or not.

"Shizuru." I stopped still a few steps away from them and when she looked at me with her 'what-is-it' face I motioned for her to approach.

"Something wrong?" she asked after giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"No… Nothing. It's just…" I could feel my father's eyes on us, my face burned, he had seen it, our kiss. "My father's here." I finally whispered, and her wine colored eyes searched the area until they settled on him.

"Oh!" was all she said as he waved at us, she waved back looking amazed before grabbing my hand and pulling me with her. "He sure looks more sympathetic without your mother around."

"Sure…" I agreed feeling nervous. Would there be an awkward atmosphere between them? Would my father suddenly freak out and insult her? Could my mother have sent him to ruin our engagement?

"Mr. Kuga! I'm so glad you could make it." I could only watch dumbfounded as she hugged him like a long time friend, and he actually hugged her back. "Natsuki was sure you wouldn't come. Didn't Mrs. Kuga come with you?"

"Unfortunately no." he smiled more brightly than he probably should have considering the circumstances.

"So, has Natsuki showed you inside the house yet?"

"No, not really."

"Then come with me, and we'll be sure to find you a place to sleep. You haven't checked in anywhere, have you?"

I was still gapping as I watched them disappear into the house, but my surprise was no bigger than my relief. I should've known, after all, the way we thought, my father and I, was extremely alike. With a smile I walked back to Jim, who was preparing to serve the food.

"Maybe you could herd them to the dinning room… I'll be right there." He told me before calling Andrew to help him.

Clapping my hands to get everybody's attention I told them the food would be served inside. The 'pit bull', who was in his cell phone yet again, was the first one to enter followed closely by Sarah, Molly, Mai and Mikoto, who complained of being starving. Haruka and Yukino still hadn't moved when I entered but Jim and Andrew managed to drag both with them. Shizuru came in not long after bringing my father with her and, after introducing him to everybody, she took her sit next to me, and we all started eating like a strange big family.

In the end, with the 'pit bull' occupying the guests' bedroom, Mai and Mikoto our own and Shizuru and I the living room, my father decided to find a hotel, luckily for him, since it was already late, Haruka and Yukino were staying at a very good one nearby so they took him with them.

"Finally…" I sighed, closing the door behind me and finding my fiancée's mischievous look as she leaned against the desk at the other side of the room. "Alone."

"Just because you're not a people's person…" Shizuru crossed the distance between us and locked the door, her eyes never leaving my own and her lips so close to mine I could feel her already accelerated breathing against my skin. "Oh, my! I think we're stuck in here until tomorrow morning." She smiled waving the key in front of my eyes.

"As if I cared." I shrugged giving her a smile of my own.

"Let's wake them up." She whispered, and I could see her eyes closing before she pressed her lips against mine, her tongue finding entrance to my mouth right away as I felt her fingers lost in my hair.

My own hands traveled up and down her back before starting to work on the buttons of her shirt. We broke the kiss for her to pull my t-shirt off and I admired the flushed look on her face, the rosy swollen lips, the way her eyes closed when my fingers traced her shoulders gently pushing the shirt away until it joined mine on the floor.

"I love you." I told her then, it was impressive how used one can get to using such strong words so often.

"You talk too much." She said playfully. "But I love you too."

As much as I felt like protesting and telling her that I didn't talk nearly half as much as she did, her hands undoing my pants were everything I could think of, and not wanting to be left behind I rid her of hers too. She backed away from me then removing her bra slowly until the back of her legs collided with the side of the sofa.

"Come." Was all she said as she threw her bra towards one corner.

"And I'm the talking one…" I pushed her back onto the sofa climbing on top as I admired her smile yet again. Her hands rid me of my bra easily and I couldn't resist the urge to press our naked upper bodies together.

We both moaned at the contact, our lips meeting for another long and heated kiss. I could feel her hands travel down my back, into my wet panties, and my breath suddenly left me as her fingers caressed me shamelessly, her eyes filled with lust looked up at mine.

"I want you, Natsuki." Her whisper sent shivers down my spine, and spurred my own hand to run slowly down her throat; past her collarbone; brushing lightly against a hardened nipple, making her arch her back; down her belly and into her panties. She grabbed my hand with her free one then, urging me to push a finger inside which wasn't difficult since she was already so wet.

Finding a comfortable rhythm we concentrated only on the movements of our respective hands, the pleasure too overwhelming for us to think of anything else. Our nipples and lips brushed every once in a while as we sped up, hearts beating faster and faster, until the oxygen in the room didn't seem to be enough to suppress our growing needs and the world melted in a wave of pleasure that shock our entwined bodies for a few long seconds.

It took us a good five minutes before we could speak again, I still heard Shizuru's heart beating strongly from where my face rested against her chest. My eyelids started to drop right as I felt her fingers running through my hair. There could be nothing more perfect than that. Nothing more perfect than love. Nothing.


	30. Epilogue

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Yay! Final chapter! Not that I'm not gonna miss this story, of course I will, but it was a tiring story during some points at least… I honestly consider the last chapter the final chapter, but I had to do the epilogue and I think it's important to wrap it all up. ;) Have a nice reading!

**Epilogue**

She closed the notebook and caressed its front fondly, a small smile tugging at her lips. It used to be blank but now it was filled with memories, good and bad, the story of their lives. The door opened but she didn't need to look to know who was approaching, her smile widened when a gentle hand landed on her shoulder. She stared at it, she remembered how it looked before all those wrinkles appeared, not that the wrinkles made it any less beautiful in her eyes. Her own wrinkled hand laid on top of the other.

"I've finished it." She said before turning the chair around to look at those wine colored eyes she had grown to care so much for. Differently from the hand those eyes looked just the way they had when she had first seen them. "Here. It's yours." She took the book carefully and handed it to the other woman.

"Thank you." The elder woman accepted the book and smiled at it. "Now we won't be able to pretend it never happened."

"As if I wanted to do such a thing." She shook her head lightly but then realization seemed to strike her. "Did you?"

"Maybe a few sad moments but still… We may not have been here right now without them."

"I'm sorry."

"I've never blamed you, Natsuki." She smiled before walking to her favorite armchair, her legs couldn't hold her for too long anymore. Natsuki was staring at her lap, the memories of the things she'd done back then still haunted her.

"You should have."

"It's too late for that now."

"Shizuru…" green eyes found wine colored ones and Shizuru smiled.

"Come, sit here with me."

Natsuki stood up slowly, her back cracking uncomfortably, and walked towards the sofa where she usually sat, close enough for her to hold her wife's hand. The notebook now rested on the coffee table between them , the light reflecting on the black leather of its cover.

"I'm afraid, Shizuru." The younger woman said suddenly. "I'm afraid of dying and never seeing you again."

"I know. I think Andrew's death somehow awoke this feeling in all our hearts." They were quiet for sometime, the recent passing of a dearest friend still being a little too painful for them to discuss.

"Do you think we're really going to hell?" Natsuki asked breaking the silence, she felt like a young child again, a child completely lost in the great scheme of things.

"If we are we should take shorts and tank tops because I heard it's pretty hot down there."

"Shizuru, I'm serious!"

"What do _you _think?"

"I think the time I spent with you was worth it and I'm proud of being an eternal sinner."

"An eternal sinner? You sound just like your mother." Shizuru teased her, but the green eyed old woman only snorted. "We may not reach nirvana yet, Natsuki. But I'm sure we won't go to hell either. No, we'll come back and we'll find each other again, because that's how it's meant to be."

Natsuki looked thoughtful for sometime, but then a big smile graced her features. "Then I'm glad Andrew will finally be reunited with Jim."

"Yeah. That makes me think… I don't want you to die before me. I really don't think I can live without you."

"And what about me? I'll make sure to die with you."

"That wouldn't be a bad idea. I don't wanna wait forever for you to arrive."

"Always the patient one." Natsuki said ironically, shaking her head and smiling.

"You're too stubborn to die, Natsuki. I'm sure you'll take forever."

"Oh, really? Then why don't you start being stubborn yourself and we can enjoy forever together?" she sounded so much like an upset child, Shizuru couldn't help but chuckle.

"Don't tell me you're teasing each other again!" a young lady stood at the doorway carrying a tray with tea cups. "And when I tell daddy how hard it is to take care of his dear mothers he does not believe me."

"Stop complaining, Katsumi, and bring that tea here." Complained the older of the three.

"You sound just like an old woman."

"As if you weren't an old woman, Natsuki baa-chan." Katsumi commented placing the tray besides the book on the coffee table.

"And when does your father come back?" Shizuru cut in when she saw Natsuki preparing to protest.

"The day after tomorrow." The granddaughter, took the tea cups and placed one in front of each lady before lifting the tray again and turning to leave. "Behave you two." She said looking over her shoulder.

The two old ladies stared at each other, their eyes gleaming with a nameless emotion. Their hands found each other and they smiled a knowing smile. They had been through a lot, yes they had, and they were sure they still had a lot to go through if life continued somewhere beyond this, but they were also sure that it didn't matter what they would have to face in the future…They had raised a beautiful family, they had completed their mission in this world and, as long as they were together, everything would be all right.

**FINAL NOTES: **Wow! A bottom note! *stares* (Just to make sure everybody knows, _baa-chan _is the short for obaa-chan which means grandma.) I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with me through this wonderful story. It's not only my best so far but also my longest and most reviewed! Yeah, that last part is all thanks to you. :D Thanks again, everybody, and have a nice 2010! Full of good fics to read!


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